Lobster On My Shoulder …

December 29, 2020 – Tuesday (Post holiday/still Covid/let’s get this year over with)

I have notepads … 12 of them/each one printed with seasonal things (snow, hearts, rainbows, leaves, etc …) and the month … that I put on/take off of my fridge at the beginning and end of each month. I’ve had these for years now ~ apparently, I don’t make many lists from my fridge. But, it’s a ritual/habit I’ve gotten into and one that I like … not unlike the passing of a baton or a turning of a page on the calendar. A leap of faith … a closure and new beginning all at once.

Today I clomped up the stairs and deposited my December pad back in the drawer and pulled out the January one and put it up on the fridge. I know I’m early. I know there are three days left of 2020 … but I just can’t take any more of this year. Nothing happened today, I’m just done. It’s over. Out with the old and in with the new. I will look at that pad on my fridge for the next 3 days and I can already feel the tension lightening and the ascension of hope in my spirits knowing that 2020 will be behind us.

We need a do-over. But, not a last year do-over … we need a NEW do-over. And it’s coming … in about 47 hours (from when I’m writing this). Phew. Good. Hallelujah and AMEN to that!

There are 12 months, 52 weeks or 365 days in a year … breaking it down even further, we’ve got 8760 hours or 525,600 minutes or 31,557,600 seconds. What did you do with all that time this year?

Being that I spent most of my time pent up due to Covid-19 (trying to not get it), upset about not seeing my mom or being able to travel or move forward with my life (in general), full of angst about the political arena/election/general awfulness of it all, worried about friends and family, getting used to not doing much (semi-retirement/Covid restrictions), and then caught up in the protests/riots/natural catastrophes … I am exhausted.

And more than a little dismayed that I didn’t do more with my time.

For many of us it was the Year that Wasn’t. My son was to be on a 3-month sabbatical in Indonesia … he had to come back to the US; it wasn’t his year to do that. I was planning on moving (I have an attic full of boxes to prove I was making headway); it wasn’t my year to do that. My daughter had 30 some weddings on the books to provide flowers for … again, it wasn’t to be. I expected to visit my mom monthly in CO … nope. I thought without my business, I’d go on a “nice” vacation – somewhere. Nope … that didn’t happen, either.

It also wasn’t the year that I: learned piano, exercised every day, lost a ton of weight, re-learned French or Italian, honed my knitting skills, wrote children’s books or baked the perfect round of crusty bread.

But, it was the year I: got to see my kids five times throughout the year (… which was fabulous cuz that never happens!), was adopted by a sweet little dog – we both (I like to think) needed that, started and finished some personal projects, and I had time to just BE.

Not a total loss when thinking about time.

I also said good-bye to a very dear friend of mine. We all knew his time was ending … his roughly 33,430 days on this Earth. As sad as it was, I was privileged to sit with him during his last two. They were not easy days but I am thankful I got to spend that time with him.

Time. That elusive thing we all try to hold on to … or tick away as fast as we can.

When we are young, we want to be older. When we are older, we want to be younger. We want it, at all times, to be kind to us and hie when needed or linger when able. For all of us control freaks … time is that one thing we will never be able to take charge of. And that is hard.

But … with the new year, maybe a little planning, foresight, and action will help us use it more wisely. So, as we go into this New Year (and omg, I can’t wait) … I’ll take the playlist of this year … this year that was and wasn’t … and do what I thought I should have done in 2020 … and expand it as we go forward into 2021. A little more yoga, a little less sitting … a little more green smoothie, a little less caffeine … a little more joy, a little less angst (ok – a LOT less angst) … but you get the picture.

In the next three days until the clock chimes midnight, I’m going to work on adjusting my attitude and start the new year on a better note/in a better mood. I will lighten up. I will look forward to the new year without trepidation. I probably won’t be eligible for the vaccine until summer (sometime) but I know how this all works now – I’ve got it down pat. I just need to add some piano playing, knitting and writing to the mix!

I know I’ve been fortunate during this time. I haven’t had to worry about a paycheck or food or home security. I count my blessings for the ease of my life. And, I will look at the next 6 months as a wonderland of possibilities. So much I can (and should and need to) accomplish … before life returns to some new normal … to make my life (and others’) better/happier/more fun/more purposeful.

I will map out my plan in the next few days as I write out my calendar for the new year and write my list of to-do’s. I’ll add in check points for personal reflection and goal adjustments. Things change as a year marches on … but I know one thing for sure … no matter what … time goes by.

Thanks for reading. Wishing you an extraordinarily happy and healthy New Year – 2021.

November 29th, 2020 – Sunday (Day 333 of this Covid-19 year)

Today is day 333 of this strange and angst-ridden year. Amidst America’s raging virus stats and daily case numbers that rival complete year numbers for other countries … and the political scene that is still in turmoil … we have arrived at this special day.

This is a magical day if you are into numbers. 333 … it means that we only have 32 days left of this year. Something, I’m sure, we can all celebrate! It also is a triple “3” … and that is really good. It is a power number and means you are to take a little personal inventory of the path you are on. Are you going where you want to? If not … there’s time to make some adjustments before the clean slate of the new year.

The number 3 represents confidence, power, creativity, joy, and inspiration. If that is your favorite number that means you strive for self improvement every day – even in the smallest of ways. Each one of us has at least a couple of skills or talents which make us special and unique. This number might serve as a guide to help you along your journey.

If you happen to see 3:33 on the clock or as an address or as the next to last day in November … stop a moment and take stock. Be aware and leave yourself open to the power that is YOU.

I am at my dining room table, now laden with the autumnal trappings of my seasonal decorating, and was going to write about other things but I am inclined to write about all things Autumn. Because, after all, it’s still Fall! On the calendar we have another 3 weeks until Winter “officially” begins, but December 1st starts the winter season for me.

I know many friends have already decorated their homes for Christmas but I can’t do it. In my heart, it’s still Fall until the clock chimes midnight on November 30th. And being that it’s Sunday and I have a whole ‘nother 30 hours until (my) winter begins … I’m going to revel in it.

I’ve known the end of this month would mean putting all this away. I’ve been hesitant to accept that I need to take down my decorations. Every year I fall in love with Fall all over again. I bring out my bins of pumpkins and leaves and squirrel figurines … and dress the house. If I felt comfortable doing this in August, I would … but, it’s still Summer until I turn that page to September.

I sound a bit rigid! Where’s your flexibility, Les? Egad! I hate to admit it – but I’m a stickler for seasons. They are clearly delineated and cannot be merged!

Winter is December, January and February. Spring is March, April and May. Summer is June through August. And Fall is September through November. And nothing more or less.

So, as much as I love watching the Hallmark holiday movies before I’ve even bought candy for trick or treating … and as much as I’ve already signed and stamped my holiday cards … and as much as I love Christmastime and all things holiday … I can’t give up on Fall – yet. I have one more day.

I fancy Fall. I adore Autumn. I love leaves. You get the picture. So, even though I’ve gathered my autumnal splendor up and am ready to pack it away tomorrow … I’ll eat dinner on this table and give one more look to my pewter squirrel and the plaster one that makes me smile. (He has seen better days as he’s now without a foot and looks a little weary but I still love him.) If Autumn could start in August, I’d be thrilled! Another month of all things pumpkin spice would make me a very happy camper! But, who am I to mess with the calendar?! I look over what I’ve amassed here and am surprised at the amount that is on my table. I thought I had put out more but I guess when spread around, a little goes a long way.

The ceramic pumpkins will be carefully wrapped and tucked into the bins amongst the faux foliage and zip locks of acorns, gourds and spiny sweetgum pods. I’ve got grapevine pumpkins and a glittery beaded one … and everything in between. I’ve got two big fake ones … a large, fat green one and a smaller black one with a twisted stem. They look almost more real than my real ones do! I’ve got nut and seed pods, real and faux leaves, baby pine cones and another cluster of something – I’m not sure what – but they are spherical pods with an elaborate pattern on them. There must be a nut inside each pod because they rattle when I shake the small branch. Perhaps they might be from a buckeye tree.

I’ve got a special bin for my Thanksgiving decs … this year I only brought out one thing. A dinner plate sized/turkey-shaped tin candy mold . I found him at some antique shop years ago and it was love at first sight. This year he sat on my dining room table surrounded by those nut pods and leaves … looking ever so regal all through November. At night the candlelight shimmered off his silver surface. I usually have a vase of lilies on this table … I’d like to think he enjoyed them as much as I have.

I’m working with one good eye still. So, my collection of things has been hit or miss. I’ve gone through each room three times. It wasn’t until that last walk-through, with my one eagle eye searching, that I spied something I’d missed before. That small pumpkin in my pothos … the bittersweet entwined with my cooking utensils … the acorn wreath on the door. I’m sure I’ll find some leftover something in April. I always do.

I feel like a squirrel … safely and tenderly tucking my treasures away for another time. And when I do so, it brings me such comfort and a rare sweetness. I know nothing is certain … but I like to think that I’ll unpack all these lovelies again when the calendar turns to September, next year.

On Tuesday, I’ll bring down the bins that hold my holiday decs and start putting things around and making my home all things Christmas. I pine for pine boughs, and delight in whites, greens, and reds. I’m a sucker for silver and gold and anything that glitters, twinkles or shines.

But tonight and tomorrow … I’ll enjoy one more evening and day of the rusts and umbers … the mustards and olive greens. I’ll look over my stash of squirrels and pods and reflect on another Autumn gone and done.

Christmas can wait another day … because, after all, it’s still Fall.

November 25, 2020 – Wednesday … (the day before Covid-19’s Thanksgiving)

We are in unprecedented times. How many of us thought we’d still be hearing those words … NOW? TEN months after the onset of Covid-19 in this country? I thought by now we’d be back to normal. We are anything but as spikes continue … cases rise … hospitals are at full capacity … and the death toll climbs.

And yet … all I want to do is be grateful. My kids are doing well. My mom is healthy. My eyesight – though not as great as I’d like – has returned after unexpected complications of surgery/bad eyesight and age. The election went the way I’d hoped. My home, once again, has a little dog in it. Life is good.

When I first started blogging … my self-imposed 365 Day Challenge … I had no idea that eight and a half years later, I’d still be writing … and that people would still be reading! I love that I am and that you/they are.

Thanksgiving is (and has always been) my favorite holiday. Maybe because, in part, it’s that I hail from Pilgrim stock … maybe it’s in my DNA. When I was a kid we’d gather at my dad’s parent’s apartment in Chicago. Grandma must have cooked for a week prior to our arrival! We all sat around a massive table .. 20 some of us … aunts, uncles, cousins that I only saw on that day … the uncle we ran from when he offered a chiropractic adjustment … we’d rather run on down to the basement and play ping pong or pretend not to look for Grandpa’s old Playboys. There was an oven in the basement (next to the wringer washer) … and the turkey was in that one (the upstairs one had the “sides”) … and all of us kids were practically basted in the aroma of roasting turkey by the time dinner was on the table. Grandma was a master cook … we’d always count and she’d have at least 13 vegetables. Not that I’d eat more than one or two of them – but they were there … resplendent and worthy of praise by Julia herself. As soon as dinner was finished the kids ran back to the basement to play and the women cleaned up. I have no idea what the men did! Soon after, the table would be piled high – again – with sandwich meats and cheeses, pickles, olives, leftovers and desserts. How anyone had any room left to eat one more bite was beyond me – but we all did! Those were fun days. I am very grateful for those times and for those with whom we shared those holidays. So many of them are gone now.

A year or so before we were married, Tim and I went up to Seattle – the reason of that trip escapes me now. But, we had car trouble and ended up having TG dinner in a Denny’s. I remember feeling so horrible for the people eating there … that THIS was the best they could do. No friends, no family had bothered (or existed) to invite them in. I found that so profoundly sad.

After we married, Thanksgiving became “my” holiday. I always loved it for it’s simplicity and underlying message. No commercialism, no shopping sprees (we were NOT Black Friday people!) … just a houseful of family and a few friends … and Pictionary in the evening. We all laugh, even now, so many years after Tim got the word – Zeus. Let’s just say he was not up on his mythology and being the artist drew a very intricate solar system. Somewhere in his parochial schooling Zeus was introduced (or assumed by him) as an extra planet. He was mortified. We all had a good laugh (at his expense, sadly) … and his team lost. It was funnier in person than I could ever recount … poor Tim. But whenever I see or hear the word Zeus … I feel a special longing in my heart.

The year that he died I wished we had done something different for Thanksgiving that year. ANYTHING else would have been better than looking down the table to where my dad sat knowing that was Tim’s chair and he was not in it. I didn’t eat anything that meal. I pushed the food around on my plate knowing if I opened my mouth – nothing but a guttural howl would explode from it. Not the best day.

After that and my moves, TG was hit or miss. One year Sam had it at her place for just Ted and I and it was simply lovely. One of my favorites. Intimate and candlelit … her table was as gorgeous as the roasted bird and trimmings were tasty. Even though that was the year my dad passed and my mom was in the hospital … that was a best day. I was with my two favorite people and my soul was very happy.

And here we are … 2020 … the year of Covid and so much angst and upset … sickness and loss – on so many levels. And yet … I am so grateful. I am still on the island – not where I thought I’d be, but it is what it is. I have good, very helpful friends here and I love my guest dogs. My family and I are healthy – though apart. Sam is setting her dining table for herself and her dog. She dreamed they shared a bowl of mashed potatoes. And knowing her – that might be what they do. Ted is off with his “bubble” … hopefully staying Covid-free as they weather Southern Cal together away from all things reality in SF. My mom is in her retirement apartment and having dinner with a hall neighbor. And I’m here with Bea, a guest poodle and Marie Calendar. I’m going to make some candied yams to go with my frozen dinner and will call it good. I’ll watch a movie, do a little Pilgrim research and have a nice, little relaxing day. I’m kind of looking forward to the non-fuss/no-mess for once. And, though alone, I will be enjoying a day of coziness and phone calls, emails, texting and face-timing with those that I hold most dear. We all might be alone but we’ll still be together … in some way … even if it’s only in spirit.

The local ads keep telling people to stay home … forego the travel and the “normal” traditions of this holiday this year … as this year is anything but normal. An alone TG means no ICU Christmas. Let’s all keep that in mind and keep each other safe and here.

And eventually, this pandemic shall pass. But in the meantime I’m going to count my blessings and be grateful for all that is … and all that isn’t. Whatever that might mean to me (or you).

And along with being grateful for vision and my family and friends and all the blessings that comprise my life … I am ever thankful for puppies and spring rain … the smell of bookstores and crayons … twinkle lights, fall foliage, silly hippos, craggy coastlines and green meadows, fragrant lilacs and lilies, and fat blueberries … and … the ability to express myself at any time and for all the love that is bestowed on me that keeps me glued together.

I am also so very thankful for YOU.

Have a great day. Count your blessings and have a happy, happy Thanksgiving!

(If you want to read another piece … go to Nov. 22, 2012 and revisit that post!)

November 17th, 2020 – Tuesday (garbage day)

The winds of change are blowing again … and they are good and strong and bringing hope.

I find it sad and a bit startling that the only way I know the days, as they are speeding by, is by when my garbage is collected. Oh, it’s Tuesday – again – quick, run out to the street. It’s a good thing I live on a rather rural road … the deer are used to seeing me in my pajamas. They don’t care. If I throw them an apple – they care even less. Many of my friends have started (or finished) decorating for Christmas. I can’t do that yet because the only reasons I know it’s still November are by the pumpkins marching down my steps and the explosion of all things fall inside my home. For a person who is a bit of a control freak in personality, this year has been tough because there has been so very little one can control. I need to stay to whatever “schedule” I can … whatever is deemed as “normal” … so, I’ve got two more weeks of acorns and everything pumpkin spice … rusts, mustards, browns of all shades … before I trade in for the twinkle and sparkle of all things Holiday. I love my seasons … I’m just not ready to let go of this one yet.

Prior to my first cataract surgery (a month ago already), I rearranged the furniture in my den and living rooms. It was done in anticipation of my new couch’s arrival. Good timing, too, as I spent the next 2 weeks face down on it after an emergency retinal reattachment. Some retinas seem to “fall off” the back eye wall like a piece of unglued plywood … sturdy, in one sheet, easy to stick back on. My retina peeled off like old wallpaper (I’m envisioning sweet, pink rosebuds on an ivory background) after a flood. Shredded, the doctors did the best they could with the reattachment. I have vision (hip hip hooray) … but it’s wavy and distorted. I’ve been told to “get used to it”. I’ll do my best.

Anyway – the couch isn’t the comfiest … I bought it online … but it’s adequate for the price, the color I wanted and has one of those changeable chaise cushions and ottomans that can be moved to either end. Always good to have options. And while I was face down on this new, cozy, taupe chenille couch … it was nice to breathe in virgin couch cushion smells. Ah factory scent, how I love thee!

My late husband always quipped that Helen Keller was lucky she didn’t live with us as I was always rearranging something! He’d go to bed and wake up the next morning to a completely different house. It’s “my thing” – what can I say?

A week ago I moved my bed back to where it had been for the past five years … near the corner windows. I moved it on a whim a few months back and though the new placement made the room feel bigger, I didn’t really like it. It didn’t feel right. Maybe something was “off” in the feng shui department. So, I pushed things back to the previous layout. This morning I reaped the benefits of that change.

Oh, it was lovely! We are expecting a storm to come in (soon) today … high winds, gale warnings, rumblings of trees coming down and power outages in many areas. Oh joy! I’m ready. We had a similar day last week and were out of power for 14 hours. I’ve perfected the art of tossing perishables from the fridge in lightning speed! I hate the waste and the cost and was lamenting this to a (far wiser than I) neighbor and she bluntly asked me why I didn’t use my cooler on the deck? Throw some ice in it and put all the perishables into it and it won’t get warmer than 40º out there – same temp as my fridge! Brilliant advice! Not once in the 6 years I’ve been here (and many storms) had that ever occurred to me to do! So, I’ve dug out my cooler and the next time I need it, I’ll be ready. I haven’t restocked anything in my fridge so all that is safe and I could basically be out of power for two days before I’d have to worry about the freezer goods. So winds … come on! I’m ready for ya!

Anyway, with this storm blowing in earlier this morning … so, were the beginning winds. We don’t get southernly winds often … but when we do they arrive softly at my window and they are the best reason to stay in bed. So, I did what the dad did in the story “The Night Before Christmas” … I sprang from my bed and flew open the sash! I opened the window a bit higher than usual and let those balmy, spring-like breezes waft over me as I snuggled back under my comforter. It was heavenly. While there, enjoying the fresh air, I told myself I’d get up after one … maybe two … more big gusts. And then the ivory lace curtains would billow and poof out and the breezes would wash over me and I’d tell myself I’d get up after another one … or two … or five.

We are in a pandemic. Where am I going anyway? Stay in bed and enjoy those breezes. The highlight of my day today was taking out my garbage can to the street. I live in an area where we have slugs and snails. They eat my garden and gather in my trash and recycling bins and I am constantly rescuing them from a garbagy death. Today there were so many I told them they were on their own! It’s one thing to rescue one or two … today there was a party and not one of them was wearing a mask!

Speaking of which – (in my opinion) we, as should be the rest of the nation, are on a lock-down of sorts. I know we all want life as usual to resume. I am all for normalcy … believe me – I am as sick of this shit as anyone else. But “normalcy” is not going to happen until we get a handle on this virus … and if that means, wearing masks, washing our hands til they fall off, physically distancing ourselves and taking some civic responsibility in closing up until we can reopen … so be it. As of today over 11 million Americans have/had Covid-19 … and nearly 250,000 deaths in this nation. And still no federal mandate … or real help. Pathetic. So, friends … do your part. We can do this!

Thanksgiving is next week. It is my favorite holiday. Maybe it’s my Pilgrim heritage … (I’ve got the Mayflower relatives sitting up in my family tree) … but I love the no-pomp of it all. I love the gathering and the food … the sharing of bounty … and mostly what the day represents … gratefulness … being thankful. Taking time to count our many, many blessings.

This year will be very different for most of us. I’m envisioning a microwavable Marie Calendar’s turkey dinner with a side of candied yams for me and the dogs. A far cry from the full-table holiday dinners of the past. Keep in mind it’s just ONE DAY … we will miss the relatives and Uncle George’s corny jokes and Grandma’s hugs … but there are so many ways, in this day and age, to be alone/together. Call, Skype, Zoom, Facetime, use your portal, your phone, your computer … now, more than any time in our history, can we still be together while being apart. And isn’t it worth it to protect those we love … so that we can continue to hear those jokes and get those hugs? Don’t infect your family and friends this holiday season … cherish them enough to let everyone enjoy another holiday with them.

I know too many families that will be without a loved one at their table this holiday … I know too many families that will be without a loved one at their table – ever again. Do your part. It’s not a partisan thing. It’s a health crisis. Protect yourself and those you love. And even those you don’t. This, too, shall pass … but we need to be part of the solution/not the problem. I’m not preaching … just reminding. This is important.

Covid-19 has turned out to be more like Covid-25 … or 30 (lbs) for many I know. Including yours truly. We eat for comfort. We eat out of loneliness. We eat out of frustration or despair. We aren’t out and about. The pounds pack on. There is a hippo at the Cincy Zoo that I’m in love with, Fiona. I’m feeling I’m starting to resemble her more than I’d like! I keep thinking if I had the chance to do a stand-up routine now, I’d open with … “Does this mask make my butt look big?” I’m thinking it does! For that reason, I’m hoping that the new year is known as Covid -45 … and maybe I (we) can lose some of this extra poundage.

On the political front … our president is acting like a child throwing a hissy fit/temper tantrum in the toy aisle at Target. Again. Still. Those enabling his ridiculousness, ineptitude and disgusting, irresponsible behavior should be ashamed of themselves. I hope the nation is noticing their reprehensible behavior as well. Shameful. But the winds of change are blowing … and they are good and strong and bringing hope.

Mask up. Keep your distance. Wash your hands. Stay healthy. Check on your neighbors. And, when you can … let the winds of change blow over you.

November 7, 2020 – Saturday

And the election results are FINALLY in and … Biden and Harris WIN!

OH, HAPPY DAY!

I lingered in bed this morning, knowing that when my feet hit the unusually cold floor that we wouldn’t have any new news – so, why bother getting out of bed, yet? The dog was still asleep; I was cozy. I had turned the heat off last night and I was not ready to get out of my cocoon of comforters quite yet … so, I lingered. I stretched. I counted my blessings. I listened to my sweet little Bea snoring. (How do I always get the dogs that snore?)

I got up, turned the dial on the thermostat and listened for the familiar rumble of the heat coming on. Ah, nice. And then I looked at my phone.

I was wrong. We did have news! I saw Mary’s post first … “SO FRICKIN’ HAPPY!” … I was thinking maybe Arizona had been called. But when I turned on the TV … I realized I was wrong again!

OMG … “we” got PA! OMG! OMG! OMG! Biden and Harris WON!!!!

OH, HAPPY DAY!!!!

My son kept telling me to be patient with all this … that the mail-in ballots tend to lean blue. And, they did.

I looked at the TV and looked at the crowds that had gathered already in celebration – all over the country – and burst into tears. Tears of joy mixed with tears of relief. SO MUCH RELIEF. I cried in the shower. I cried eating breakfast. I cried on the phone with my daughter. I cried while I emailed friends. I cried while I folded laundry. I was weepy and wet all day! And, whenever I watched the news or stopped to think about what significance today’s results meant and everything that will come about in this country because of this election … the tears started flowing again.

And, to my friends who voted for Trump … bear with me and my fellow 75 million Americans in our glee. This election was NOT stolen. People are not still voting. There are no illegal ballots being tallied. No fraud. Trump lost. He is lying to you. Stop listening to his ridiculous crap. He makes you look foolish. And I know you are not! I and those who did not vote for Trump in 2016 have endured his presidency with gritted teeth, disgust, misery and at times horror. You had your time. Now it is ours. And, I guarantee you won’t have to endure anything like what these past years were for us. Kindness, respect, compassion, intelligence, sanity are coming back to the White House … get used to it!

And for what it’s worth … those attributes are non-partisan … they are what decency looks like.

This country is a democracy based on rights and laws. One of which is the Freedom of Speech. I respect that. I also respect my friends and their opinions and their practicing their freedom of speech. I ask the same in kind. I have lost friendships over this election. I find that heartbreaking because, frankly, Trump isn’t worth it. I know some people “overlooked” everything else about him because they liked his policies … but I don’t know which ones those were … because I’ve been too stuck on the ones that set us back 50 or more years.

And, aside from his immaturity, criminal activities, abuse of power, bullying and constant lying … I don’t understand how anyone can support a man whose policies, statements and actions encourage the denouncement of science and climate change … that allow for polluting of our waterways and air … that endanger animals, people and the desecration of sacred lands … that promote the caging of children and the tearing apart of families … that watched 240,000 of our family members and dear friends die during this pandemic without the inkling of a plan (even the wearing of a mask – which he ridiculed) and claiming no responsibility … that did nothing to help all those Americans who lost their homes and livelihoods … that incited violence and used intimidation and fear tactics … that called immigrants rapists and murderers … that did not denounce conspiracy theories or white supremacy … that tried to ban religious freedoms … that turned a blind eye to racism … that put millions of dollars into his own pocket … that called our military suckers and losers … that called our journalists stupid or nasty … that had questionable ties to foreign countries … that grabbed pussy … that filled government positions with family members, donors, golf buddies or pals who had no experience or clearance … that caused dissolution of ties with our allies and organizations … that said nothing when bounties were put on the heads of our military … and that spewed humiliation onto so many including POWs, the aged and the disabled.

Explain that to me.

As I said before, in this election I voted for decency to come back to the White House. And with it, I am so very hopeful that this country will be open and mature enough to welcome in these leaders and the rest of those elected so that we can go forward … better, stronger and more united. This country has a lot of work to do. And that means we need to be selfless and look after our neighbors more than we look after our 401K. We need to go forward peacefully to make the needed changes. All of us. I am hopeful but there are 70 million in the country that align themselves with Trump. We have a tough road ahead but we can do this together. We need these changes for the betterment of all of us … now and for the future … for ourselves, our kids and their children.

It’s been said many, many times before that there is so much more that we have in common than what we don’t. I would like to think that (among other things) we all love our families, truth, honesty, this country, each other … and want equity, a healthy planet, progress, unity, prosperity and peace on earth. I believe we have more in common than what actually divides us.

I am hoping we all take a deep breath and can go forward tomorrow and choose to help rebuild this country … better, stronger, happier, safer … embracing us all.

But tonight … I’ll celebrate.

OH, HAPPY DAY!
 

November 3rd, 2020 – Tuesday (Covid-19 = 93,581 new cases yesterday and more than 237,000 deaths in US to date … and today we have a voice.)

It is Election Day in the US today. My body (first) woke up at 5:40 am … the middle of the night for me. I went back to sleep. I woke up again at what could be called our sunrise at 7:03 … not much of a sun anything today as it’s mizzly and gray. I went back to sleep, again.

But, before I did I wrote a blog post … just in my head … about today’s significance. About good and evil. About having our voices heard. And when I fell asleep those words swirling around in my head were absorbed into my pillow and lost … and you now get 10:28 me. I’ve been up for a while – hoping that those words would come back to me – but they have not. Gone back to whence they came! But, damn … they were good ones!

So, here I am trying to recall from my dreamscape what I was thinking and nothing is coming forward. Except this … somewhere between today’s sunrise and tomorrow’s our lives will change.

And I’m hoping that they change for the better because I don’t like this balancing act. And, now, as I sit here – looking out my front window onto the gray skies and my silver maple that turned mustard yellow in the last day (somewhere from sunrise to sunrise) – I realize how much change is needed. I don’t like that this is what life looks like except for when it’s actually dark out. We have gray and dark. Literally and figuratively. And I feel like that is apparent in too many aspects of our lives. Covid, civil unrest, climate change/Mom Nature ravages, lost jobs, lost loved ones, isolation/loneliness, financial burdens, exhaustion, worrying, kids/elders, political craziness. Sometimes we get a slanting of sun … like a video of a hippo twirling in water (thanks Fiona/Cincy Zoo) … but life does need to change. For all of us.

And whether or not we like the outcome of this election.

Life in the balance. The balance of life. Balance. I haven’t had much lately. I’ve been very lopsided. It’s been Covid, eyeballs, isolation and politics … and mostly missing my life. I miss my friends. I miss my family. Missing what was or could be. Worried about what is or might be.

I voted weeks ago – by mail as is how it’s done in WA. Easy-peasy. People are fools if they think there are issues with this method of voting. The United States Postal Service delivers 472.1 MILLION pieces of mail EVERY DAY. Well, except Sundays and holidays. It also processes 182 MILLION pieces of first-class mail every day … so (doing the math) on average, it processes 19.7 million mail pieces each hour … 327,838 each minute and 5,464 each second. Pretty impressive. I think they can handle things.

Estimates for 2020 mail-in voting are around 67,000,000-80,000,000 … more than double what was mailed in in 2016. But, with the Postal Service’s record of handling so much mail on any given day – why the big fuss about the ballots? They’ll get where they need to – all in a day’s work!

Unless of course, those ballots are derailed by idiots thwarting a fair election and cheating their asses off to do whatever possible to win! Voter suppression is wildly and openly happening and shame on everyone doing anything of that kind. That is a criminal offense (state and federal) and I hope everyone doing anything is duly “rewarded” for their actions. How stupid can someone be to do that? And lose their own right to vote in the process! Pretty stupid. We’ve seen what is going on. Pretty damn stupid and utterly pathetic. And yet – our current President leads the way with these actions. Disgraceful.

And to set the record straight on this election day – I don’t care what party anyone favors. Just because a person favors the Republican party … doesn’t mean they automatically carry a gun. Nor does it mean that the Democrat is off skipping in a meadow, smoking pot and singing Kumbaya. What I don’t understand is blind following … throwing out people’s own decency by staying true to their party. Either party. WTF. Vote for the best person/people. In this election I truly have NO idea how anyone can think that Trump is that person. He is a disgusting human being. Forget everything else that he’s said and done and just focus on this one thing … we’ve all seen Trump make fun of the disabled. It’s on tape. He did it in a speech at one of his rallies and appalling as that was – it was gut-wrenching to see/hear his supporters laugh along with him. Where is the humanity? If that same group saw a middle schooler doing that – would they say something or would they laugh at that, too? People are standing with guns in front of voter collection boxes – even here on the island. Why are people from that party allowing this? I think if you turn a blind eye you are just as guilty. I don’t get it.

But, I never have.

When I voted, I voted for the Biden/Harris ticket. Even if Trump had done everything else perfectly … squashed Covid by April, economy and growth were good, jobs were soaring, international relations were best yet, every person who needed help got it, affordable housing, education and daycare were free, homelessness/racism/hunger/poverty were no longer issues, universal healthcare was intact, fair wages and no sexism/agism/color inequity were all in order. You know, and a chicken in every pot! Everything including world peace … and I STILL would not have voted for him – just for the decency factor alone.

This election I voted for decency.

I’ve said it before that Biden was not my first choice (or second or third) … but if a llama had the chance of defeating Trump this time around, I would have voted for the camelid.

But when I voted BLUE … I voted (as I always do) for the best people (at this time) to take us forward. I voted for honor, respect, character. I voted for compassion, strength, knowledge, experience and intellect. I voted for families and children, healthcare and education, jobs and fair wages. I voted for balance and rights and love and help. I voted for unity, trust, tolerance and our future. I voted for truth and conduct and equity in all ways. I voted for science and climate change. I voted for protection of lands and animals. I voted for fairness and humanity. I voted for clean air and water. I voted for goodness and kindness and principle. I voted for our international allies. I voted for decency and for our democracy. I voted for America. In a nutshell … I voted for the soul of our country.

I know people talk about taxes … and they should be fair. I hate the big tax cuts for businesses and the wealthy. Everyone should pay what they need to pay. I hear grumblings of “socialism” that some people think the Democratic Party is now representing. Well, hate to break it to some people but how do you think hospitals, fire/police departments, the post office, schools, roads, bridges, zoos, museums, parks, and the like are paid for?

Today marks not just 4 years of angst but probably 5 or 6 – when Trump reared his ugly, coiffed head and threw his name into the political race game. It’s been ongoing since. I can’t take much more. And hopefully, we all won’t have to. The day after Trump’s election (I’m still shocked) in 2016, he was talking about 2020. The very day after. So, we’ve been hearing him spew about MAGA for all this time. From where I sit … things don’t look so great, Donny.

And what happens if “things” don’t go the way I hope? The way so many of us hope and need it to?

I’m writing this on Tuesday morning. We have hours of polling left until the polls close … and I hope you’ve encouraged anyone who had not voted yet to do so because by the time you read this – it will be all over. As in ALL over. I think we’ll know sooner than later the results. I hope things are peaceful and calm. I think America (and the world) will know before sunrise tomorrow. So, when you read this – I’m hoping it’s with a lighter heart. A sigh of relief. A weight lifted from your shoulders. I know I need that.

But what happens if the unthinkable happens … again?

We’ll throw a little hissy fit. We’ll swear under our breaths … or out loud. We might curse humanity or god or the system. We might wish unwanted things to happen to unsaid individuals but we won’t do them. And we won’t go and destroy our towns and burn things down. And as disappointing as it’ll be – for a moment, we’ll feel a teeny tiny bit better for throwing that hissy fit and cursing at the walls. But then reality will seep in and we’ll realize that America as we’ve known it in the past has died. And we’ll grieve.

I truly hope that is not the case … but if it is, somehow, we will go forward. We will continue to go on. We will continue to make a difference. We will continue to help our neighbors. We will show that we will be okay by our daily actions and how we live our lives with purpose and decency and a deep hope that what we do will make a better tomorrow. And it will because that light that shines in all of us will lead us forward to another sunrise.

October 30, 2020 – Friday (Covid-19 is worst yet at >1000 deaths/day and 90K new cases per day, over 9 million cases and nearly 230,000 deaths to date in US alone and still no federal plan … neighbor Jo’s 90th … non-Halloween is tomorrow … I still have only one working eyeball and there are now only 4 days until the election of our lifetime.)

I’m contemplating buying stock in Rolaids (parent company Sanofi – a French pharmaceutical company based in Paris). I was thinking I might just have to go check things out (after Covid as France is spiking like crazy) and then dug a little deeper and the company making this product is in Chattanooga. A walk along the Tennessee River just wouldn’t be the same as a walk along the Seine. Scrap that idea.

Anyway, at this date, antacids of any kind would be very welcome! I don’t trust the polls that say Biden is ahead … we’ve been here before and I’m having a bit of PTSD. I just want this election over. Trump’s ramped up his attacks on our democracy – openly cheating voters out of their votes/changing rules/messing with the USPS/lying every chance he gets about everything/you name it. It’s pathetic and disgusting. Yesterday he declared victory on Covid. Yesterday was the highest case and death rate we’ve had to date. He’s a lunatic and unfit for this office. And it’s appalling to me that the Republican party has let itself be desecrated by enabling this man, in every way – including not calling him out on his overt and blatant calls for violence specifically against Biden and Democratic leaders.

Where do I start??? I’ve been off my computer for 10 or so days. It feels like a lifetime. I had not realized how much I missed typing! I did, however, realize how much I hate texting and typing on my phone! Fred Flintstone fingers and auto-correct are not my friends! Computer, sweet computer – how I love thee!

All these days I’ve been thinking of what my next blog post would be … would it be “Magazine Junkie” (inspired by me looking sideways from my couch vantage point at my magazine rack with 17 mags waiting my perusal) … or an ode to all the errors in every single Hallmark movie I’ve watched this past week (and there were way tooooo many! Trees in full green foliage in the snow scenes! Cactus in a front yard in “Alaska”. Mountains that looked like the Dolomites in a scene of Denver! NO!!!! Details people, details!) … or would it have been a piece on being a “Creature of Habit – Rut or Routine”???? Or another tirade on our dying democracy and lack of decency by this president? Or simply one of gratitude for the out-pouring of friendship and concern and help I’ve experienced this week?

And so here I am … still not sure what’s coming forth … just glad to be sitting upright and typing on this laptop. Giddy almost!

After my cataract surgery (eyeball #1), “things” were great! Vision was clearing, the correction was amazingly crisp (my god, that tree has individual LEAVES!) and then 4 days later, the light show started and as beautiful and amazing as the neon lights were (and they were!) – I really don’t want to go through that again as it was the act of my retina detaching. NOT good. So, here I am another 10 days out having spent the last week lying on my puffy and oh-so-wrinkled face for much of those days (well, as much as I could). I was to be face down for 50 minutes every hour. Um, no – not possible. It took me 5 minutes to walk, face down, to the back door to let the dogs out (Bea and a guest)! But, I did the best I could.

And, after 10 minutes face down, my sinuses started going crazy and I’d get stuffed up. And then I couldn’t breathe. Breathing is good. Always good – even when it’s into your couch cushion. Ten minutes later my back would start to spasm. My old gymnastics injuries tend to rear their ugly heads when I’m face down. Let’s just say being face down is not the best position for me! So, I’d sit up and keep my face to the floor or prop myself up on my (now chaffed) elbows with my face facing my couch. (So glad I ordered that new couch! Was hoping it would absorb some fat cells though – but that didn’t happen!) Ten more minutes of being propped up and I started having muscle twinges in my neck. (Arnica gel – unscented – is great!). Ten minutes later I’d have ants in my pants! If I got up, I had to walk stooped over with my face to the ground (more back ache). Ha ha. I’m so out of shape even lying on my couch was a task! And so went my days! So, a week of being face down wasn’t the greatest (or easiest) but it certainly could have been worse.

Bea, my newly-found sweet, old lady chihuahua, has been my nursemaid. She must have had an ailing former owner because normally she doesn’t spend much time with me … not the best cuddler … and is found sleeping most of the day and throwing a baby lambchop around or eating the rest of the time. This past week she was glued to me! I had to wear an eye patch (a nice wenchy pirate look to go with the Einstein hairdo) and was glad for it as she licked it constantly! If nothing else, she has been a lovely little companion and made me laugh with her antics.

The retinal light show resulted in that left eye’s vision as looking through pond scum water. It was amazingly gross and I’m sure there was a tadpole in there somewhere! I could see at the top and left sides of my vision. Nothing more. So, emergency surgery was scheduled but by the time I got there, the blob had gone past my center line of vision and now required a different procedure – one that I’d have to come back for – the next day.

Living on an island has its challenges when something like this arises and you need assistance OFF island (and can’t drive yourself). I put out an APB to my friends/neighbors/dog parents and had a multitude of help in minutes! It was extremely humbling and I am so very, very thankful and grateful to all of them for their kindness and help in my time of great need.

Surgery was … painful. I do not do well with medical things. I’m the Queen of the 1% of oddities and weirdnesses that textbooks talk about. Who has ever had a mastoid? Me! Who has had osteomyelitis? Me – again! Who shattered a wrist/dislocated an elbow and shoulder/herniated discs and messed up her knees in one fall? Yo! Who was in labor for days and then needed an emergency C-section? Yours truly. Who had complications during pregnancy that no one had seen before/resulting in a lost baby? Um – me. Who had another C-section – this time without anesthetic? Yeah … that would be me, again. So, when I asked the surgeon if I should be feeling what I was feeling during the procedure and he asked, “You can feel that?” … I wasn’t surprised. Being that it was near Halloween I kept thinking that my eyeballs were like mozzarella balls with slices of green olives on them being skewered for party nibbles. Not so great. But they took care of it – eventually. I was secretly hoping they’d yank out my tonsils at the same time as I’ve wanted them out for years but don’t dare do a voluntary surgery knowing my history! This was voluntary enough!

Anyway – it all ended up fine with me face down on the couch for a week. And, after yesterday’s post-op, with the doctor saying everything was going along as it should and I didn’t have to be face down anymore but to lay low and blah blah blah … here I am. No trampoline jumping, no flight travel, no mountain climbing and no lying on my back. So, no overturned turtle impressions for awhile. I think I can handle that! There is a gas bubble holding the retina in place and as that dissipates/gets absorbed and normal eye fluid replaces it … (it makes me squeamish just to write this!) … the vision will increase. It might take 6-12 months for it to be fully “ok” … it’s now just a matter of time and hopefully things will progress every day. But, what I can see now (that upper 1/3rd of vision) is crisp and clear and fabulous. So, I am thrilled. And, that also means cataract surgery/eyeball #2 can be done – once I get the go-ahead – hopefully before the end of the year.

I am still a one-eyed wonder … as I have to patch this left eye or I’ll fall over as the sight/bubble thing is too weird/wiggly for even this brain to sort out and manage. But, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere … just laying low for a few weeks until I (hopefully) get the all-clear before TG.

And, yeah, this might happen again with the other eye … but it might happen next week or never, too.

So, here I am … thinking about the things that I was thinking about when I was face down and clogged up … and aside from how much I love magazines and flipping through them and looking at the pretty pictures and reading what someone else has written … and how much I love routine and that I’m really a routine kind of gal and when I’m out of said “rut”, I’m kind of off-kilter more than I like (glad to be back to a better semblance of normalcy!) … and how much I need more exercise/stretching in my life … as well as music … I (again) realized how very fortunate I am in my life, friendships and loved ones. Near and far.

In the blink of an eye – literally – my world changed from independence to being reliant. I’m not good with that! But, a few emails later I had rides and time spent (some days were up to 10 hours long), pizza, soup, groceries, a latte, a candle, muffins, nuts, canned pears, offers to help with whatever and well wishes by the armloads.

I know that whatever comes my way … or comes our way as in the outcome of this election looming before us and what will be going on the days after … ALL WILL BE OKAY. If anyone needs help – you call me! We will weather whatever and friends help friends. It’s a wonderful thing. Thank you my friends.

I am very grateful.

October 18, 2020 – Sunday (Covid-19 ramping up in 42 states w/spikes and highest numbers of cases and deaths to date, nearly 200,000 Americans dead and counting, country upheaval on so many levels, political mayhem and the election now 16 days away)

I hope I never lose an eyeball.

I know – that sounds a bit “out there”. Not one of your normal thinking points, for sure … not like the usual ones like – how much do baby hippos weigh at birth … or why does one’s nose keep growing throughout their lifetime … or if a train leaving Chicago going eastbound at 500 mph passes a train going westbound, what is the conductor’s name of that second train?

That’s my brain. That’s my brain normally. My brain on Covid-time is _____________.

Anyway, I digress. We all can relate to Covid-Time Brain Syndrome. I haven’t known what day or month it’s been since March! And I’m afraid my gray matter is getting mushier by the minute! But, seriously … I hope I never lose an eyeball. Sight is a wonderful thing.

This past week I had the first of my two eyes “done”. As in cataract surgery. OMG. I’ve had glasses since I was seven. Sugar Plum Fairy Pink cat-eye plastic frames were the first pair in my repertoire. They were beautiful and omg … opened up the world to me. I remember lying on my back in the Ford Falcon station wagon and looking out the windows and I swear I could see EVERY LEAF on EVERY TREE as we drove down the roads homeward. It was fabulous. It was beyond amazing.

Fifty-five some years of glasses and contacts later … here I am thinking about only using readers! Amazing! I had so many glasses over the years including etched/mauve metal cat-eye frames and powder blue ones (both horribly awful on me) and small tortoise-rimmed ovals (which prompted my sister to call me Ben … as in Benjamin Franklin) and huge/half my face clear/tortoise or black framed glasses. I experimented with soft contacts and went through six pairs in the first year (sorry dad). I contaminated them with hair spray or deodorant or ripped them with my nails or tore them with a mascara wand. There were many years of hard lenses (I did have one pair for 9 years! They were great but finally got so thin I had to replace them.) … lost ones and uncomfortable ones necessitating a gazillion eye drops and a few scratched corneas. Along the way I added in reading glasses of various strengths. Corneal edema caused me to switch to gas perm lenses but still the same thing … uncomfortable, lost, eyes changing, dry eyes … and then after 40 years of plastic discs in my eyeballs, I’d had enough so I went back to glasses. And more frames … mostly dark and rectangular or big aviator … until now … my blackish/dark olive ones with the zebra striped arms. I actually like these!

Yesterday, fifty five years later … I had the same experience as my seven year old self – without the Ford Falcon.

I had taken off the patch and was letting my eye acclimate to the extraordinary brightness of my kitchen (and I’m now so glad yesterday was gray and mizzly cuz I would have not been able to cope with any sunshine). As I stood at my kitchen sink I looked out over my yard and realized I could see the leaves on the wisteria vine at the far end of it (and my yard is really big). It was astounding! I’m pretty sure there are berries on my neighbor’s bush, too! Who knew?! And for that matter, my neighbor has a bush I’d never seen either! I don’t think I’ve ever had correction like this – even with contacts all these many, many years.

I was sitting at my computer yesterday at my dining table and looked out my living room window and realized I can see my neighbor’s house! Now, maybe they cut down a bunch of bushes on Friday or maybe my chair is over a bit – but I swear I’ve never seen that mulberry-sided house before from this room!

This has been an amazing “eye wonder”.

Eyeball #2 is scheduled in two weeks. Good. Not soon enough. This new sight is an extraordinary thing but for these two weeks I think I’ll be doing a lot of napping and Hallmark movie watching and catching up on shows/movies on Netflix because I am upside down/cattywompus/off kilter with one eyeball corrected and the other so … well, NOT!

I can manage about 20 minutes of both eyes looking around before the headache starts creeping in … maybe. I can’t focus to read or type (this is an exception). So, I’m finding it best to cover/patch one up and only use one eye at a time. However, when I do that there are issues.

If I cover either eye my depth perception is gone … I put peanut butter on my finger today/not the cracker of my intention. Not that it matters (cuz I’m not going anywhere and no one is coming here) but if I cover my right/bad eye with the patch – I look like a pirate. If I cover my left/good eye with the patch, I have to wear my glasses for my right eye. The glasses catch on the patch and things are a little skewed and I look like a pirate with glasses. You know … one of those dorky pirates that are last picked for the dodgeball team. And if I use only my good, left eye – I can’t see anything up close. Everything is blurry until about 15″ away! My arms aren’t long enough – so, I need to dig up my old readers. I know they’re here somewhere but until I find them, more than not, I am covering up the good/done eye for now. And that’s really okay, too … cuz there are so many floaters still that they are making me crazy!

But, seriously … for those of you with glasses … this is amazing! Life changing. Wondrous. Eye-wondrous.

But, aside from the sheer enormity of being able to see “far” without aid, which in itself is magnificent … the COLORS are so different. I so wish my dad were still here – he was the one I wanted to talk with first about this because I remember him being so awe-struck after his first operation. As am I.

This color change is not something I was expecting! I close my right/undone eye and through my left/done eyeball every line is sharp, crisp and the details are amazing. How did I live without seeing this – for so long that I don’t recall things looking this GOOD? The light is much cooler in nature … it’s whiter/bluer/brighter. I have a poodle guest here this weekend and I can barely look at her without sunglasses on – she is brilliant! (Let me clarify that that is in color only!)

I close my left/done eye and omg … my right/undone eye’s vision is like looking through amber lenses with a soft pink filter! The difference is like having a 100 watt cool blue halogen bulb on as opposed to a 40 watt soft white with a pink scarf over the lamp! The undone eye’s vision makes things have a more Dutch Masters tone to them (I like it!) … and everything is much softer/muted/amber in color. A bit of a soft glow. Blended. It’s cozier than the harsher/blue light. But, I look at my skin through my right eye only and I look like I have jaundice! The color change is so crazy. But, honestly, I’m not sure I like it!

It’s all just so amazing to me the DIFFERENCE!

The only real problem I’ve had is that now I can see EVERY DAMN WRINKLE and every CREASE and every PORE and every SUN SPOT … and OMG … is this what I REALLY look like? I am going to suggest to my opthalmologist that he pair up with a plastic surgeon and offer a combo package … a little lift/cataract bundle. I might not have gone for it with the first eyeball … but pretty sure I’d go for it with the second!

I wonder how things will all look two weeks from now … I know the political scene won’t look any rosier … but everything will be clearer. Sight is an amazing thing. Eye wonder!

October 3, 2020 – Saturday (Covid-19 running rampant = nearly 7.4 million cases in US w/209,000 dead, wildfires still raging, election going off the rails, you name it … )

It’s been a week.

And that’s putting it mildly.

If the best part of the week was me swallowing my temporary crown … yeah, it’s been one for the books. Read on!

We are now at nearly 7.4 million Covid-19 cases in the US with more than 209,000 deaths. Worldwide there are nearly 35 million cases and 1,000,000 deaths. Disgusting. Upsetting. Completely heartbreaking.

The wildfires continue raging making this “fire season” in the western US (OR/CA/WA) the worst in at least 70 years. I don’t know the size of an acre but I can visualize how big a football field is … and in these states, to date, over 5.7 MILLION football fields of homes, businesses, forests and land have gone up in flames. That is roughly the same size of the state of New Jersey. What is left is a blackened landscape of charred dreams, towns and wilderness.

Aside from the horrific personal tragedies of people and lives lost and all the animals and wildlife lost … and complete towns being decimated … the air quality has been, at times, the worst on the planet and the drinking water supplies are now having issues meaning health issues for all in these states as well as across the globe. If you have not seen the photos of the apocalyptic skies in San Francisco – please Google them. This affects everyone. Shall we continue to deny that there is climate change? I’m thinking we should all send brooms to Trump so he can come to these areas and start sweeping the forests once the election is over.

Schools are opening and realizing that they are incubators for this virus. Elementary schools to universities are fighting hard to come to terms with a new normal for this school year. Either way – it’s not pretty nor easy. How does a Kindergarten teacher, any normal year, teach 30 little 5 year old bodies? How does one teach them NOW?

Businesses continue to be closed … citizens continue to need assistance with food, shelter, meds, childcare, health and safety issues … and times, for so many, are so difficult. People are getting tired of this virus and are getting complacent … spawning new hot spots of the virus and the numbers of cases keep increasing. Despite this, government officials keep “opening up” in areas that really should not be. And still no federal assistance or mask mandate.

Election woes continue to plague the voting process with venomous spewing from the President, himself, concerning voter and ballot fraud, a rigged election, and his continuation in office. He wants to make us all think that this election’s results will be the decision of SCOTUS … possibly bullying people into NOT voting as a “why bother” ploy.

This week was the first (and possibly only) Presidential debate (debacle). If you watched it, you know how difficult it was not to have a stroke while doing so. I’m thankful I ended the night unscathed … though, there were moments when I wasn’t sure what would explode first … the TV or me. Thank God for Lamaze breathing techniques! Trump’s behavior was a pathetic display of a grown adult behaving like a 3-year-old having a tantrum in the toy aisle at Target – exceptionally undignified and behavior not representative of nor becoming the leader of our country. He was rude, demeaning and callous. He called Elizabeth Warren ‘Pocahontas’ … lied about Biden’s son. Hunter … had no moral or empathetic morsel for Biden about his dead son, Beau … ridiculed the military … incited violence and intimidation against voters and on and on. He broke the rules of convention and interrupted the moderator and his opponent – continuously. He bullied and lied his way through 90 minutes never answering a question and refused to disassociate himself from the violent, White Supremacist far-right and instead told them to ‘stand back and stand by.’ In my opinion, the debate should have ended at that point and he should have been escorted off the stage. His words and actions was overly offensive, exhausting, disheartening to watch and listen to … and embarrassing, at a global level, that this was the behavior of our President. I don’t think anyone was a winner that evening but I certainly think all Americans were losers.

And that was only Tuesday!

As we marched through the week my pre-op Covid test induced quarantining was lifted because someone at the hospital tested positive for the virus. It was not me. All elective surgeries were canceled and my cataract/eyeball renewal now won’t be til mid-month. Fine by me – I get to have a sparkling clean OR when I go in! My appointment to attach my permanent crown (on the molar I broke last week) was moved up a few days due to the tasty snack I had on Thursday … yes, that’s when I swallowed my temporary crown! Yep – right down the gullet! Let’s just say I won’t be needing that anymore.

Later that night, after a full week of events/the debate/travel, Trump (and wife, Melania) announced they had tested positive for Covid-19. I have to admit I was a little elated. I don’t want him to die – because ultimately I’d love to see him in jail. But, I do want him to be sick enough to realize that this is a SERIOUS issue. That this is not a political “thing” … that it’s a non-partisan health crisis and that everyone should be doing everything they possibly can to avoid spreading it so we can get people back to work, our economy stimulated, and our country back up and running in some sort of normal fashion – as soon as possible.

I don’t want to send him an email saying, “YOU’RE AN IDIOT – SERVES YOU RIGHT!” but when one plays with fire – ultimately one gets burned. Mask wearing shows that it helps prevent the spread of the virus. It’s that simple. Add in washing your hands and having social distancing of at least 6 feet and no physical contact – you are doing your part in helping to keep that virus away and at bay. And yet, this President has been avoiding and politicizing it and mocking those that do since the beginning of the pandemic and when it was stated that mask wearing was beneficial. Stupid is as stupid does.

Apparently, the Rose Garden ceremony (when he nominated to fill the seat that RBG left by her passing) was a high-spreading event. How many times fast can you say Super Spreader? And think back to everyone he was in contact with this week (mask-less, of course) and all the places, homes, events, airplanes, he’s been in and of all of the people he’s been in contact with … I’m sure we’ll be hearing of more and more cases of Covid-19 due to this week. As of today, there have been 13 confirmed Covid-19 cases of White House personnel and journalists who were at the events this week … with thousands more now needing to be tested and quarantined.

Friday kept up with the garbage of the week with Trump being admitted to the hospital for observation as well as being administered a trial drug (controversial at best). The WH and hospital are being rather mum on his condition – but how can we expect anything like truthfulness, communication or transparency with this administration? We will all be following this closely as the next few days unfold.

If that wasn’t enough, the Texas gov’r demanded the removal of all but one ballot drop-off box per county. Meaning that one box is to be sufficient for all residents of Harris County which is roughly 2000 square miles. Many states have mail-in voting (as well as absentee ballot voting) and the military votes by mail … and there is NO evidence of fraudulent voting by this means. This is a tactic, by this gov’r and whomever else is doing similar things, to lessen the amount of Democratic ballots/voting (more dems vote by mail).

What happened to “let the best candidate win”? What happened to fairness? What happened to decency? I can’t take much more. Maybe it’s a good thing we’ve only got 30 days left before the election.

I don’t know about you – but I’m exhausted! Today, here in the NW, it is our third day of fog, gray skies and chilly temps. Earlier today I was sure the Creature from the Black Lagoon was hiding in the swirling fog on my deck. I wanted to get my mail but I’ll wait til later as I didn’t dare – cuz, ya know, I didn’t want to risk anything else happening.

After all, it’s been a week!

September 24, 2020 – Thursday (gray, heavy cotton candy clouds, waiting for a storm)

Today I fed … COWS!

As much as I’d like to, I’m just not sure I can convey how happy that makes me! That sounds so silly … and more than a trifle weird … but true.

If you could see my smile you’d think I just won the lottery. Well, in a way, I did! I was coming home from running my last errands before self-quarantining after my pre-op covid test tomorrow (cataract surgery next week – woohoo!) and pulled off the road and stopped by the farm uphill from my place – as the cows were out. The minute they saw me by the apple trees they started moseying over to the fence.

Too many flies covered those placid faces and too much cow-snot or saliva were on their broad, thick noses … but I petted them anyway. I cut into quarters a handful of apples. I used my car key (changing over to my handy-dandy pocket knife I had in my car) and cut off the wormy parts and handed them over and through the charged-wires to gaping mouths – so ready for sweet treats!

I’m not sure if the farmer saw me or heard my giggles – but I hope he knows how much pure joy I got out of my little stop over.

I wish I liked living where I do SO much more. I think if I were 10-15 years older, it would be a great place to be. I’d be slower, more retired, more settled with what I do. (I hope.) But, I’m chomping at the bit to go and do and shop and see a museum and have good food and that’s just not going to happen here on the island.

I do however love the beauty of this island … the bluffs and hills and green. The tall trees, the quiet, the slowness and well … here, we have cows.

Aside from the lack of “summer” … it’s unfortunate that there is such an “inconvenience factor” for me. I’ve said it a million times … if I’ve said it once … I hate that a typical “shopping day” takes me 7 hours. I try to leave at a decent time and then my day is spent with 4 or 5 hours driving/ferry/traffic … it costs $25 + gas … and I end up with 2-3 hours of actual shopping, if that. And, while doing so – I’m running (like a lunatic) from one place to another so I can get all my stops “in” and done so I can catch the ferry (without having to wait hours) and be home at a decent time (that rarely happens). I also have to plan where I’m going if getting groceries and do that last so they don’t sit in my car for hours. And along the way I sometimes grab take out cuz I’m starving and it’s taking longer than expected. All in all – it’s not your quick trip to the craft store!

Covid has helped with my need to go “overseas” (to the mainland) as I don’t like going anywhere these days unless I can just stay in my car and zip around. So, the need to go over and shop or wander has been corralled. However, I am stuck due to this virus – here – instead of somewhere else … or somewhere else looking around, checking things out. I keep telling myself … all in due time.

But I’m antsy. I want to know where my next landing spot is.

I keep thinking that all this time … all these months past (and to come) … all this isolation/quarantining/social distancing will make me hone in on what I really want next. What is important to me? Because the next move will be where I hope to settle into. Put down roots … get involved … maybe meet someone … reopen my businesses … play.

I don’t play here. I was involved, a bit, but am no longer. It’s too personal and difficult to explain. There has been a lot of loss for me on this island. But, a lot of growth, as well. Either way, I’m past needing to move on.

I have been doing more research (table top vs in person) and am narrowing my options … revisiting places I had questions about … seeking out new ones … saying no to others that I thought might be “it”. It’s a process … and I’ve been doing this leg of it for a long time! I just so want to complete this journey!

I know there will be hills and lush greenery … warmer summer temps and some skin-softening humidity. I’d like hardwoods and good soil … along with some body of water (it can be a pond!) … and a nice, little, involved community. Beautiful autumns and crisp (but not necessarily snowy) winters and long, flowering springs.

I’d like friendly, decent people as town-folk and neighbors … some sort of countryside nearby – orchards, wineries, pasturelands. And, a bigger city and airport about an hour away. I’ll find it. It’s out there.

The one thing I know for sure … there will be cows.