Day 357 … (or as I am feeling today … Day Whatever)
I am disgusted.
And I only have myself to blame. And my body. And my resolve. And probably in there somewhere, even if only a little, my genetics and hormones. And what the hell … I’ll blame the government, too.
Last year I lost 30 lbs. Bam … they fell off me like raindrops on a newly waxed car. I shed them like fur. It was fabulous. Every time I got on the scale I was another pound or two down. Woo-hoo. It was great fun.
I felt good. I looked good. My clothes fit. Actually, clothes fit that I hadn’t had on my body in YEARS! Again, it was fabulous. My scale was my best friend.
In the last 3 weeks (or so it seems) I have gained 16 of those pounds back. I was not looking for them. I lost them in hopes I would never see them again … but here they are, back again, like a bad photo that I thought was deleted but that someone keeps posting on Facebook! I had lost the hams in my pants … but the hams are back!
I could use all sorts of cute text letters here … OMG, WT*, Holy Sh*t (well, you get the picture) … but when it’s all said and done, all I can say is … DAMN!
At first it was a few pounds … I thought, “Oh, water weight.” I didn’t pay too much attention to the scale as I was paying more attention to the mirror.
I liked what I saw (most of the time). I was toned (well, more so). I was longer (not really, but I looked longer without such stumpy legs). It was great.
But then I discovered new things I wasn’t so thrilled about. I had sagging skin. I had WRINKLES. Thirty pounds is a lot of filler. So, when I lost that amount it was most noticable in my face … no longer full and moonish (thanks someone for saying that to me one day, years ago, as it stuck – badly!) but thinner with these LINES. Oh damn. I didn’t like those. With the extra weight all those little lines had been filled in! Nice and plumped out!
I figured I could do with some wrinkles if it meant the lines on the sides of my mouth had vanished. You know the ones … the jowl lines. The ones that make you look either like a bulldog … or like you have a mouth of a marionette.
Well, just call me Marion. They’re back – along with the hams.
One day, in the middle of Weighloss Heaven I found lumps on my arms. I was a bit concerned until I looked up on Google what they might be … to my shock and joy … MUSCLES! OMG. Who knew!
I also had an “angular” line to me. One I hadn’t had since 4th grade when I was thin for about 9 days. I had shoulders! For the first time in some 20 years I could see my clavicles. (They have since disappeared again.)
In any case, the yoga pants I always wore actually made me look like I was doing yoga … or at least working out or doing Pilates. I thought, “Hey … I’ll buy REAL pants.”. So, in September I got some cords thinking that though a bit large, they’d shrink. I must be really bad at laundry cuz they are mighty snug. Again, DAMN.
So, with the new year comes my resolve for another “New Year ~ New You”! I’ve given up so much … I’m eating more salads. I’ve given up junk (well, kind of). I’ve even given up wine.
Though not for the caloric intake more so because I’ve found wine makes me breathless … and not in a good Marilyn Monroe kind of way; more of in a throw me an Epi pen or get me a ventilator kind of way. Disappointing to find out I’m that allergic … yes. Frustrating … even more so. Scary … um, yeah a little bit.
And with everything else I’ve given up, I’ve even given up exercising!
Oh … and there lies the problem! Well, that and I’ve discovered Archer Farms Espresso Chip ice cream at Target. I gave up Starbucks and had to fill my coffee needs somehow – right?
Anyway, since I am no longer lifting ladders and cleaning gutters and pruning bushes and planting flowers … or moving furniture or lifting and unpacking 647 boxes and painting until the wee hours of the night and more than not I am sitting on my butt writing and working and reading … I have decided I’d best get ACTIVE (once again).
So, to the gym I go … next week. Right now, I’m going to sit and eat some ice cream.