Day 310
Besides visions of sugar plums dancing in my head … I have lyrics of yet unwritten songs spinning around in there, as well.
I have been humming and singing bits and pieces of holiday carols for a few weeks now … but when I don’t know the words I have been adding my own in as replacements.
And since I do this when I’m out driving … they usually go something like this …
Oh, you better watch out, that lady can’t drive, you better not pout – put your foot to the gas pedal … State Farm is really going to hate me (for moving here).
Sigh. No, I have not been in an accident (since 1979 … which was, come to think of it, in Chicago … go figure!) … but I think my chances of being plowed into – more than likely in a parking lot – are pretty good since I moved to this area.
NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE!
I am serious. Everyone driving is either license-less or has a license but should not because the last time they took a driving test was 40 years ago and they are now 250 years old and their reflexes are like a sloth’s. It’s SCARY out here!
Sleigh bells ring, don’t back into me … in the lane … or on in the parking lot. A beautiful sight, we’re not happy tonight … get your frickin’ car away from me.
And so it goes.
Yesterday I was in a parking lot waiting for some woman to back out of her parking space. Since there were no other spaces available and I didn’t want to walk 3 miles in the dark, I waited. And waited. And waited. I could have knitted a scarf, or two, in the time it took her to back out and drive off. And I don’t even know how to knit … so, I would have had to learn how to knit first and still I could have completed two scarves in the time it took her to back out and go. OMG!
Dashing through the snow in your land yacht that’s too big … oh I’m so stressed out and I’m not laughing at all today! Figure out which lane – you want to be driving in, and stay there please and let me pass and don’t you dare hit me. Oh …
At one point in the Hobby Lobby parking lot I was actually going to park my car, mid-aisle, and go and see if some woman needed help. I honestly thought she had a stroke or something happened because “things” were not progressing but her car was in motion – somewhat.
I’m dreaming … actually I fell asleep it’s taking you so long to move your car. It’s going to be Christmas before I get home.
In any case … I don’t think my versions of the carols would make Irving Berlin nervous (maybe roll around in his grave a few times, but nervous – no) … but I’m enjoying being a lyricist for the time being. It helps calm me down and if I’m singing I’m less apt to yell out the window at someone about their driving skills.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree … how lovely are thy branches … you drive like cr*p, get off the road … you can’t see over the dashboard even … Oh – oh my god, Oh – oh my god … I hope I get home in one piece.
Happy holidays!