Time Goes By …

December 29, 2020 – Tuesday (Post holiday/still Covid/let’s get this year over with)

I have notepads … 12 of them/each one printed with seasonal things (snow, hearts, rainbows, leaves, etc …) and the month … that I put on/take off of my fridge at the beginning and end of each month. I’ve had these for years now ~ apparently, I don’t make many lists from my fridge. But, it’s a ritual/habit I’ve gotten into and one that I like … not unlike the passing of a baton or a turning of a page on the calendar. A leap of faith … a closure and new beginning all at once.

Today I clomped up the stairs and deposited my December pad back in the drawer and pulled out the January one and put it up on the fridge. I know I’m early. I know there are three days left of 2020 … but I just can’t take any more of this year. Nothing happened today, I’m just done. It’s over. Out with the old and in with the new. I will look at that pad on my fridge for the next 3 days and I can already feel the tension lightening and the ascension of hope in my spirits knowing that 2020 will be behind us.

We need a do-over. But, not a last year do-over … we need a NEW do-over. And it’s coming … in about 47 hours (from when I’m writing this). Phew. Good. Hallelujah and AMEN to that!

There are 12 months, 52 weeks or 365 days in a year … breaking it down even further, we’ve got 8760 hours or 525,600 minutes or 31,557,600 seconds. What did you do with all that time this year?

Being that I spent most of my time pent up due to Covid-19 (trying to not get it), upset about not seeing my mom or being able to travel or move forward with my life (in general), full of angst about the political arena/election/general awfulness of it all, worried about friends and family, getting used to not doing much (semi-retirement/Covid restrictions), and then caught up in the protests/riots/natural catastrophes … I am exhausted.

And more than a little dismayed that I didn’t do more with my time.

For many of us it was the Year that Wasn’t. My son was to be on a 3-month sabbatical in Indonesia … he had to come back to the US; it wasn’t his year to do that. I was planning on moving (I have an attic full of boxes to prove I was making headway); it wasn’t my year to do that. My daughter had 30 some weddings on the books to provide flowers for … again, it wasn’t to be. I expected to visit my mom monthly in CO … nope. I thought without my business, I’d go on a “nice” vacation – somewhere. Nope … that didn’t happen, either.

It also wasn’t the year that I: learned piano, exercised every day, lost a ton of weight, re-learned French or Italian, honed my knitting skills, wrote children’s books or baked the perfect round of crusty bread.

But, it was the year I: got to see my kids five times throughout the year (… which was fabulous cuz that never happens!), was adopted by a sweet little dog – we both (I like to think) needed that, started and finished some personal projects, and I had time to just BE.

Not a total loss when thinking about time.

I also said good-bye to a very dear friend of mine. We all knew his time was ending … his roughly 33,430 days on this Earth. As sad as it was, I was privileged to sit with him during his last two. They were not easy days but I am thankful I got to spend that time with him.

Time. That elusive thing we all try to hold on to … or tick away as fast as we can.

When we are young, we want to be older. When we are older, we want to be younger. We want it, at all times, to be kind to us and hie when needed or linger when able. For all of us control freaks … time is that one thing we will never be able to take charge of. And that is hard.

But … with the new year, maybe a little planning, foresight, and action will help us use it more wisely. So, as we go into this New Year (and omg, I can’t wait) … I’ll take the playlist of this year … this year that was and wasn’t … and do what I thought I should have done in 2020 … and expand it as we go forward into 2021. A little more yoga, a little less sitting … a little more green smoothie, a little less caffeine … a little more joy, a little less angst (ok – a LOT less angst) … but you get the picture.

In the next three days until the clock chimes midnight, I’m going to work on adjusting my attitude and start the new year on a better note/in a better mood. I will lighten up. I will look forward to the new year without trepidation. I probably won’t be eligible for the vaccine until summer (sometime) but I know how this all works now – I’ve got it down pat. I just need to add some piano playing, knitting and writing to the mix!

I know I’ve been fortunate during this time. I haven’t had to worry about a paycheck or food or home security. I count my blessings for the ease of my life. And, I will look at the next 6 months as a wonderland of possibilities. So much I can (and should and need to) accomplish … before life returns to some new normal … to make my life (and others’) better/happier/more fun/more purposeful.

I will map out my plan in the next few days as I write out my calendar for the new year and write my list of to-do’s. I’ll add in check points for personal reflection and goal adjustments. Things change as a year marches on … but I know one thing for sure … no matter what … time goes by.

Thanks for reading. Wishing you an extraordinarily happy and healthy New Year – 2021.

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