March 6, 2019 – Wednesday
One might say it’s a dreary day … the cloud cover is such that the sky is nearly white. The twigs and branches I see outside my living room window are brown … behind them the trunks in a stand of tall pines – their dark green tops out of sight – are all a light gray; my neighbor’s house, nestled amongst them, blends in with the surroundings and is faintly seen in its gray-brownness within nature’s camouflage. Earthy but yeah … drab, dull, dreary.
I am feeling the same.
Along with just about everyone else on this planet, I am winter weary. Enough already. Denver was 3 degrees the other night. Chicago has seen record cold. Tahoe will be digging out until August. Even Hawaii, LA and Las Vegas have had SNOW! Speaking of which … the NW had a very different winter … less rain, more cold, more snow. And, as I type, I am seeing yet again – SNOW FLAKES!
These are the teeny tiny dry flakes – not the big, wet, pretty snow globe ones that I don’t mind. These are nothing but mere nuisances … nuances of moisture … teasers to my too-early sprouting bulbs.
But, we did get those snow globe snowflakes a while back … 12 inches of them in my driveway … 2 FEET of them on my deck! Armed with my ever-ready broom and dust pan I shoveled my way out … a path about 3 feet long and then stopped before I broke my broom or my back! I stayed in for a week! My old van (233K miles – thank you, Honda) does go along the roads in snow – but only sideways – so, I decided in the interest of safety I’d stay off the roads until they were clear. And since we don’t really have snow removal capabilities here … it was a long week.
I want Spring. I know we are (calendar-wise) close. Spring solstice is a mere 2 weeks away … but I want it NOW. I’m ready. I’m past ready.
I shouldn’t really complain. I really shouldn’t. And yet I do. The snow is gone – the only remains from weeks ago are the softball sized lumps in a few yards here and there … remnants of snowmen with bamboo arms and goofy stone smiles … made by giddy adults (no kids in my ‘hood) as snow is such a rarity here. Our yards are green and a few vibrant eggplant-hued crocus have opened and are showing off their golden pollen – waiting for the first bees to feed. Those bees are elsewhere still – or wearing parkas and hiding out in their hives … it’s just been too chilly!
I should be grateful for those flowers … the first colors of seasonal change. I should be grateful that these few flakes are just flakes and not a blizzard or high winds whipping through those tall gray trunked pines causing power outages. And yet I’m having to push myself to seize the day.
Seize the day – Carpe Diem! What a wonderful saying. However, I’m feeling a little bit like Carpe Diem … Schmarpe Diem!
We had another death in our family. My niece’s husband – gone in an instant. He was 41. Who dies when they are 41? A friend of mine emailed me a week after telling me her 51 year old son had died in his sleep. Who dies when they are 51? Too young. Too soon. It happens far too often.
So, I’m trying to put all this loss into perspective … trying to find purpose, reasons, understanding. I am still processing my dad’s passing, the dogs, Jeremy, my friend’s son … it’s been a rough 5 months. It’s been draining and emotional and exhausting … and it’s made my heart hurt and feel a bit … dreary.
But there is that little flicker of … something … that burns deeply within me and whispers … “Seize the day! Do it. Life is short. Just do it! SEIZE THIS DAY!”
We never know when that proverbial bus will turn the corner and run us down. We need to capture these days and relish what is … regardless if they are gray and gross and cold and wet. That little flicker is like an elbow to the gut … “Be grateful.” it pokes. “Savor.” it nudges. “Seize the day.” it insists.
Those gray twigs and branches are readying and will soon be filled with birdsong and lush, green leaves fluttering in a soft spring breeze. The snowflakes are watering (what are now very dry) garden beds … giving sustenance to those budding bulbs and potential perennials. Wait. Watch. Weather the weather. If you don’t like what is – give it a day or two! It’s coming. Things are changing. Be patient.
My kids are out and about – again. Ted in Thailand, Sam in Hawaii. Life is rough. They work hard and play hard and know how to seize any (and each) day. The woeful weather and happenings of life can get me down … or seem to go on forever … and I need to remind myself to stop and smell the roses (even if they are from the store) … but the one thing that is always constant is that I am so truly grateful that my kids know how to live. They seize the moments. They squeeze out the last drop of every day. Good or bad – they experience it. They live! They are wondrous teachers. Carpe diem Ted and Sam!
The snow has turned into snow globe snow … thick, fat, slow-falling flakes. It is pretty outside with the gray branches and evergreens with a fine, white dusting. We probably won’t get snow again for a long time. Spring will be here soon enough. Enjoy the day. Relish what is.
Life is sometimes too short – even when it’s 90 some years long. Seasons are well … seasonal. Weather is constantly changing and usually not what we want – but this too shall pass. So, seize the season. Seize the day. And because life really is sometimes just too short – and because I got a really good deal at the grocery store – I’m having lobster tonight. Seize that!
Carpe lobster!