February 9, 2018 – Friday
I am usually a fairly even-tempered person. I try to live my life following the Golden Rule – treating others how I’d like to be treated. Few things get me angry: injustice or unfairness, ignorance, blatant disregard or disrespect or abuse of any form.
I wrote this blog post in the shower this morning … problem is I’m no longer IN the shower! My words were better under that hot stream of water! I do my best thinking there (always have) and by now all my Pulitzer and wise words have swirled the drain and have bubbled up at the other end of my leach field as nourishment for my clover and small prairie daisies. Not a bad exchange but some days I’d like a bouquet of words at my table instead of flowers!
Today is one such day.
Our country is in trouble. We have real problems. I’m feeling we are a bit lost … our core values have been pushed aside and the Golden Rule is just a “way of the past”. Yes, that’s my opinion and perhaps not yours. If you don’t like what I’m saying – stop reading. Your choice. We have a man at the helm, in the highest office of our country, and he is a bully. He has displayed this time and time and time again by his actions and his words. And still there are people supporting him. I do not understand this! I know I’m not the only one here who finds him and everything he is repulsive, offensive, dangerous and disgusting.
I don’t think I’ve ever said that about another human being. I take no delight in saying this and it makes me sad that I think this way about someone else – regardless of our differences. This world, our country, humanity, is built and based on differences. We can’t and shouldn’t all think and look alike. We’d never learn anything new. Never discover another thing. But that’s not the path I’m taking today.
Today I’m upset about bullying. Plainly and simply. And why do any of us tolerate it when one (or more) person targets another using strength or influence to intimidate or harm (usually for their own personal gain whether real or imagined).
Years ago when I substitute taught in Colorado, we had anti-bullying segments of our day … teaching kids empathy and compassion while sharing values and ideals and connecting. I’ve seen how destructive bullying can be. I’ve read horror stories of children being taunted and teased resulting in suicides. We’ve all experienced it at one point in our lives – somehow – and we know it feels awful to be at the receiving end of pithy nastiness. So why does it continue?
This week my daughter wrote an anti-bullying blurb and posted it to her instagram account. I’m not much for social media so I didn’t see it until she sent it to me. She’s a good writer. She’s a wonderful woman … grounded, educated, giving, talented, responsible … an intelligent, beautiful, and decent human being. And she was being bullied by others about her day and how she chooses to live her life. And how is that? She went skiing. On a Tuesday.
Horrors!
She has her own business. She works a second job. She has bills and responsibilities just like other adults and she chooses to work hard and play hard and to live life in the moment and put everything she’s got into everything she does. And if she can manage to sneak in a day of playing in the snow under bluebird skies up in the high country, on a Tuesday, because it brings her joy … all I can say is, “Congrats, honey. Hope you had a great day! You go, girl.”
Yeah – I know. That saying is from 1995 or something, but I still say it cuz it still is relevant. You go girl! You do your thing! You enjoy the hell out of life – even on a Tuesday!
And so, being rather disgusted by some comments made to her – she posted her anti-bully blog and lo and behold – someone (she knows well) wrote in “dissing” her post. REALLY? You are being a bully on an anti-bully post? Wow. Amazingly ironic. Validation that idiots are among us.
But maybe this person is not an idiot … maybe he is just jealous? Envy is an ugly emotion.
I tend to wonder why anyone is reading someone’s posts if they disagree with them so much or are so upset by or envious of them. As an adult with real life responsibilities, wouldn’t you think that they’d have much more important things to do with their time than troll the internet? Obsess over someone else’s life? Why aren’t they taking that time and investing in themselves – in their education, their home, their talents, their family? Or sharing time with their family or friends or children? Or taking their dog for a walk? Or helping someone else? And if they are online, instead of being nasty, why not support that person’s lifestyle and say, “Congrats! Hope you had a great day! You go, girl!” We all have the same 24 hours a day. Maybe they need to look at their life and make some adjustments and spend their hours more wisely, productively, joyfully.
My daughter is making her life work – on her terms, in her way. After all, it’s her life. We all learned 11 some years ago that life is short sometimes. Losing Tim changed our family. Obviously. Now, I think we each look for more depth and light. We are less cautious, more accepting – of everything. But it also changed us on imperceptible cellular levels. For years my body knew when I was taking the same path to the hospital – and I’d feel nauseous until I passed it. For years it knew, before I realized, when it was the 26th of the month as my heart was heavy. And for each of us, small petty grievances became enormously annoying and intolerable. One day after Tim died I passed by a couple arguing, in the dairy section, about which flavor coffee creamer to purchase. I wanted to scream at them that people were dying and children were starving and they were arguing about coffee creamer! Do something better with your time! Be nice to each other! Enhance your life.
Enhance. Your. Life.
How does bullying enhance anyone’s life? I know people do it because it’s easy. The internet makes cyber-bullying easier still because there is NO face-to-face contact needed. Say something pithy and hit ENTER. Lovely. I know bullies pummel others with fists or words to feel better about themselves and to make themselves seem and feel more important … like they’ve conquered something.
This is totally beyond my comprehension. I simply don’t get it. How can making someone else hurt and/or cry and/or want to disappear or feel inferior or like they do not matter make someone else feel BETTER about themselves? Surely this is not how they’d like others to treat them! Why treat others this way? Why be so ugly? So negative? So toxic?
So, I say to my fabulous daughter to live her life on her terms … as she wants with whom she wants, how and where she wants. Leave the toxicity behind. Those people do not deserve your warmth and humor and light and love. You go work and play your life how you want and where you want and when you want … and to hell with all the nay-sayers and bullies and those that tread and prey on others for pleasure – in any form. I want to say to them, “Be better! Be nice! Live your own life!”
But there will always be bullies. We just have to call them out whenever and wherever we see them. It might not help – a ton – but it might help a little. Maybe they’ll think twice the next time. Maybe.
In the meantime, I will shout it from coast to coast and mountain top to deepest valley that my daughter is one tremendously fine person. She lives life. And isn’t that what we all should do? LIVE?!
You go, girl!