Day 330
The nest seems emptier today than it has in a long time.
Not really liking it much.
Back when the kids were in high school Tim and I used to fantasize about what our “empty nest days” would be like … long chats over candlelight dinners … exploring the city … jazz clubs on a Thursday night … taking a class or two together … spontaneous nights out … a few short weekend outings … travels to see the kids … Paris.
Not once did it ever cross my mind that he would die before we had the chance to do any of that.
The kids were here for a few days and are now, again, gone to their respective cities and homes. I am here left with leftovers and the animals and quiet that has seeped into my bones even though the TV has been on to replace their voices.
It’ll take me a few days to get used to this emptiness again. A month or two of days … maybe three.
I am a pack animal. I do best in a big group. I like the noise, the chatter, the laughter. I should have had 10 kids or maybe I’ll urge my kids to marry into big families or maybe I’ll just adopt myself into one instead. Or maybe I’ll just open up a boarding house!
I think that’s why a B&B always sounded so enticing to me. I like the energy and the flow and people. I, however, do not like mornings … but am sure I could get around that little obstacle by hiring in help to cover the breakfast portion of the deal.
And as much as I like to be in a group … I do like my space and solitude. I love my kids. I love being with them. And, yet, when they left I loved my alone time … for a few hours until the “missing them” seeped back into me. The glow of having them around wore off fast and I was back to missing them, once again, in no time.
But I know this will not be forever. I am not one to be away from my kids. I don’t like it. I can do it but I don’t want to do it. And so, I’ll figure out what my next step is in my journey.
One of my New Year’s bits of homework I am assigning myself … FIGURE OUT LIFE. Yeah … just something small to work on!
So, with the rest of the house projects and business doings and whatnot … I will be figuring out my life! It’s nice to have that option. Not everyone has that capability or opportunity.
So, I will do some research and figure things out … and by this time next year … on the eve of the eve of the new year … I should have it somewhat figured out! At least I hope to.
And maybe my nest will be empty still … or maybe it’ll be filled with others or maybe it’ll be feathered in a different place. I don’t know – but I’m looking forward to seeing what the new year brings.