Day 326
I should have sent this out earlier but better late than never … and the holidays are NOT over yet! As is said, “It’s not over ’til the fat lady sings.” And she might be waddling around more than usual with the holiday season winding down but she’s not singin’ yet!
Holiday Eating Tips …
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re having a good time and serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholoic or something.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat volcano. Repeat. Repeat again.
4. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free! Lots of it. Hello?
5. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that next week in January. This is the time for long naps which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
6. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa or shrimp the size of your fist, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They are like a rare antique. If you leave them behind – you will never see them again.
7. Same for desserts. Pies: apple, pumpkin, pecan, mincemeat. Cakes: chocolate, coconut, raspberry filled. Have a slice of each. Or two of each. Cookies: shortbread, gingerbread, sugar, anise, jam thumbprint, spritz. When else do you get to have more than one dessert … Labor Day? And while you’re at it – go fill up your plate one more time.
8. If someone kids you about your third plate full of food – say you’re getting a plate for a friend. Nod and wave (in some direction) at that imaginary friend and go eat your plate of food away from the Holiday Spoil-Sport.
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but AVOID it at all cost. I mean, really … have some standards!
10. One final tip … if you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read these tips. Start over, January is just around the corner!
The countdown to the new year has begun … go eat something! Happy Holidays (still)!