Day 309
I was going to write earlier today and then one thing led to another and time, as has been the case for the last 20 some years, flew by!
I was out driving today and passed a home that had half a dozen Christmas statues in the front yard. Always so nice to look as if you dumped the contents of your garage onto your front lawn at holiday time! People out this way are serious about their holiday decorations. The lights are really nice … the other things, um – not so much. If a yard has one blow up balloon thing, it has six! My neighbors are testament to that … I noticed a new one the other day … some hideous Mickey Mouse configuration. Lovely.
Anyway … at this house I passed today there was a nativity scene, some dancing Santas (seriously, their legs were moving) and something that I can only surmise was the Abominable Snowman. As I passed I thought, “Man, that’s PRETTY UGLY.”
And I had to laugh … because I love oxymorons.
They are the only morons I truly love!
Oxymoron … according to good ol’ Daniel (Webster) … is a figure of speech that has seemingly contradictory terms appearing side by side … such as exact estimate or virtual reality.
It reminded me, back in the day, when George Carlin came out with his stand-up comedy routine where he talked about JUMBO shrimp. To this day that still makes me laugh!
As I was driving I was noticing the stores around me and though not ideally oxymoronic … the proximity of stores made me chuckle.
I passed a Dunkin Donuts which was next to a Weight Watchers location. Further down the road was a Marriage Counselor’s office next to an Attorney at Law specializing in divorces. The dry cleaners was next to a BBQ joint and so it went.
It seemed everywhere I looked the incongruity of the store locations was hilarious. The butcher shop next to the Vegan Cafe … the dance studio next to the hospital supply company (with wheelchairs out on the front sidewalk) … the Chinese take-out place next to the pet shop (ew!) … the Spy Shop next to the Christian bookstore.
In any case … how many times a day do we all say these absurdities? Oh, that was almost exactly (exactly is exactly – not ALMOST) … or now then (well, which is it – now or then?) … and if you’re splitting something who doesn’t want the larger half? (a half is a half – pieces are equal!) and so it goes.
I think of the movie The Night of the Living Dead … which makes me ask … are they living or dead? How can they be living dead?
Tonight I was watching (another) holiday movie on some channel that has a zillion cheesy commercials and this one actually said that an original copy would be sent to the buyer. Really? Oh yay … an ORIGINAL COPY! The commercial continued saying that the product was a genuine imitation. (What is a fake imitation? REAL?) I was waiting for some spokesperson to come on and give their unbiased opinion on the product! Yes … and people buy this stuff!
In any case, all I can say is … I find that seriously funny!