Day 304
Just when you think your day is turning rather crappy … you notice the plumber’s van parked in front of your neighbor’s house. Your day isn’t crappy … theirs is.
Actually their basement is. Ew.
Yes … my poor neighbors. Yuck. They had a severe clog and subsequent (unknown) sewage back up. And just when they thought the plumber would work his magic and undo the clog and be on his way … the backup (according to my neighbor) exploded through the pipe and spewed (yes, you know what I’m talking about) all over the walls, ceiling, floor, contents of bathroom and basement … and plumber.
It was so bad … the plumber went home.
Professionals are on their way to clean the house. In the meantime, my neighbor was pretty distraught as I took a load of wet laundry that she had washed at the laundromat from her to dry in my dryer. The whole thing sounded ultra gross.
And as gross as it sounded … it’s even grosser (if that’s a word) to have to contend with it in person. I know. Been there, done that.
And haven’t we all? As homeowners there is always some joy of home ownership to contend with. The leaky faucet, the clogged toilet, the broken window, the faulty outlet.
Unlike when you back into the closed garage door or have a spaghetti sauce eruption on the kitchen stove … those other things happen mysteriously. I think elves come by and assess the house and decide that “things” are just going along too smoothly so they break something. Because, as is the case, something works fine one day and it is dead or broken the next.
Elves. I’m blaming such matters on elves.
The same elves sneak in at nighttime and deposit 5-10 pounds onto people’s bodies. I know this, too. I can go to bed weighing one amount and the next day I am a good 5, 7 or 10 pounds heavier. It’s not like I ate a lead sandwich for dinner … but there they are … those extra, very unwanted pounds the next morning. It wasn’t the espresso chip ice cream with whipped cream for dessert for a week (or two … or three) that added the weight … it was those elves! I’m sure of it.
And as long as I am blaming elves for things … I’ll add missing socks. I know my dryer is not eating my socks. I can only surmise that elves are stealing one sock at a time, again, while I’m sleeping. They make one visit and break something, add poundage to my already thundering thighs, and steal a sock.
I’m tempted to set up one of those spy cameras. But, I’m pretty sure they are like vampires and are invisible on film. Rats!
When I was little there was a holiday decoration/toy of sorts that was an elf. Tonight I took a walk down memory lane while looking through the Vermont Country Store catalog. There were LOTS of old products I’d long forgotten about – it was fantastic!
Anyway … as I was flipping pages … there was that elf! Elf on a Shelf! I guess you put him out and about (and move him around your home) so he can keep an eye on the youngsters of the family and then he tells Santa which list they are on … naughty or nice! Cute concept.
Except now I’m feeling deprived! And I’m feeling like I’ve deprived my children of this tradition. Why for the past 50 some years was I unaware of such a thing? I, sadly, googled it and found out it’s also sold at Target and Walmart and probably any bookstore.
I’d be tempted to get it if there was anyone here besides the dogs and those stealing/poundage adding elves … but I already know they all are on Santa’s naughty list.
In any case … watch out for the elves … ’tis the season!