Day 229
Some days are good. Some days are sucky. Some days are suckier than others.
Yesterday was such a day.
And for those of you who know me … I really hate that term. But sometimes it is the only word that works.
The first call of the day was from a very dear friend in Colorado who relayed the not unexpected news of the passing of a dear friend’s husband. He’d been in hospice for a month. We never expected him to last as long as he did. And yesterday he finally succumbed to cancer … after 11 years. I cannot even begin to imagine the suffering, uncertainty and anguish that that family endured for that length of time. It was hell for them all for a lot of those years. Nice, nice, lovely family. Cancer makes me sick.
A sucky start to the day.
The next call was a customer who needed to change the delivery location of her order – which had been sent out a few days ago. No problem, I thought … there is still time to change the order in transit. Wrong. After too many phone calls and emails and hours of frustration we found out that the “new guy” at the shipping dock sent all my boxes hand-to-hand, white glove, special delivery, special courier, overnight, extra special handling … or something like that so that each box (and we’re talking roughly 300 boxes around the country) cost about as much as staying a week in a nice suite at the Ritz … in PARIS.
Lucky for me, the manager figured out what had happened and recalled the boxes … so, the ones that were not yet delivered – wherever they were – were rerouted BACK to Colorado. Leaving me to negotiate the cost of the ones that had already been delivered by special messenger and means. Oh, what a lovely day.
In any case … pretty sucky, too.
And then early in the afternoon my mom called to tell me of a long time friend’s daughter’s overnight death … a massive stroke at 53. Scary … and awful. My friends have lost too many spouses. Her friends have lost too many “kids”. Sickening. Parents shouldn’t have to hold memorials for their children.
More suckiness.
And then came the email from my dear friend up in Toronto. She had just gotten home from the doctor and was sharing with me the devastating news of her being diagnosed with breast cancer. This news on the tail of her husband’s year-long cancer treatment. I hate cancer. I hate what fate or luck or life throw at people sometimes. Good people. Honest, decent, caring, loving, giving, nice ... lovely people.
Horribly sucky news.
And perspective.
I think of my friends who have no control over what life has just dealt them. They will go forward while consciously trying to remember to breathe. They will be hit by that tsunami of fear and grief that comes from nowhere and turns them inside out and upside down just when they think they are doing “okay”. They will go forward with new-found courage to face whatever life holds before them knowing that life is precious and tenuous and worth it. They will know that profound grief is a part of life. For without it – how would we know profound joy?
So, so what if my boxes are coming back and need to be reshipped. They don’t contain live animals – it’s okay. So what if the dog peed on the carpet (again!). I can wash it out (again). So what if “things” are not how I planned so many moons ago? It’ll all work out.
At least I’m here … going forward … still sending boxes … still cleaning carpets … still planning. All in all … not so sucky.