You can’t fight City Hall …

Day 156

It is said that you can’t fight City Hall. I think someone in the City Hall office made that up. I think it was the guy I met with today.

His name was Jack.

Jack Ass.

The fence guy came today – measured my existing footprint and gave me a hideous enough bid to make me want to be in the fencing business.

Off I trotted to CITY HALL early in the afternoon to get a permit.

I was told I needed my plat survey. Back home I went to retrieve the survey. And back to City Hall I went, plat in hand.

I met with Jack. He looked at my survey and said that my fence was 5 feet over the lot line and on village property. I said I realized that. However, showing him a picture. I wanted to take down the dilapidated, twisted, black (where the paint hadn’t already peeled off), butt-ugly chain link fence and replace it with a pretty, stained-white, cedar dog-eared picket fence … the kind in movies that sweet old grandma’s have. 

NOPE.

I said that I realized my existing footprint was over the lot line but I would whole-heartedly sign a waiver saying I’d move my fence if the village needed that land for anything.

NOPE.

I said that the village hadn’t wanted that land for the past 92 years … but, seriously, if they wanted it in the future I’d gladly remove my pretty, white-stained, cedar picket fence.

NOPE.

I didn’t like this guy’s attitude. And from his facial expressions and constant scowling – he didn’t like mine either.

I asked him if I could be grandfathered in. 

NOPE.

I asked him, “WHY?”

He REALLY didn’t like this question. And he stared at me.

I figured he wasn’t going to give me this permit anyway, so why not push some buttons. I asked again, “WHY?”

He said that there was no grandfathering in.

I said that my home was built in 1920. Was one of the two original cottages in the Southwest Woods and that it was probably in place before any rules or easements of village property were determined.

He REALLY didn’t like that.

He said that he didn’t make the rules.

So, I asked him, “WHO DID?”

He looked at me like he wished I were dead. Said he didn’t know but it wasn’t him.

And I didn’t push it further … but if you work at City Hall shouldn’t you KNOW who is making the rules? How old are these rules? How does one go about changing them?

Okay … so, forget getting a cute, white-stained picket fence out front. I wasn’t about to move it back the 5 feet from the lot line. I was reminded that that yard space wasn’t really MINE anyway … and I kept telling Jack that I watered it and mowed it and weeded it and made it pretty. He didn’t care.

I said, “As long as we’re talking about village property. I have a big ol’ stump in my front yard that I’d like removed. It’s on VILLAGE PROPERTY.”

He grunted that I needed to talk to “Forestry.” Really?  There’s a forestry department?!

Anyway, back to the fence issue.

I said I wouldn’t pursue the front picket fence – though I didn’t understand why I couldn’t get an exception to the rule since I would sign a waiver and it wasn’t like I wanted to open a medical marijuana dispensary … or that I was going to run a brothel. I just wanted to put up a pretty, white-stained, cedar dog-eared picket fence. Something like you’d picture Grandma in the Tweetie cartoons having! Egad.

Why am I not allowed to improve MY property?

Okay … fence issue. I want a privacy fence running along the back lot line where the existing 2 foot 8 inch old, crappy, chain link fence is now. The one that the neighbor kids walk over to retrieve their basketballs, the one that the kids lean over and wave to me while I sit on my couch, the one that the kids lean over and call to the dogs while they are sleeping in the house. I mean, it’s sweet and all … but SOME privacy would be NICE!

I don’t want to get a ticket for indecent exposure to a minor cuz I’m sitting in my pj’s on my couch!

I told this to the guy and he didn’t care. Told me to wear a robe and tell the kids to have better aim with the basketball!

I wanted to put up a 6 foot fence. My neighbor’s driveway (that my yard abuts) is 8″ higher than my property. So, a 6 foot fence would really be only 5 feet, 4 inches on their side. Great. Even I could see over that!

I was told that only the portion of my yard that has the patio (12′) can have a 6 foot fence. The rest (15′) would have to have a 5 foot fence. WHAT? How stupid is that! I said my neighbor’s said they’d sign a waiver saying they didn’t mind if the whole thing was a 6 foot fence.

NOPE.

I asked if I could extend my patio?

YES! In theory, I could. But, in my case …. NOPE. My ratio of “open space” to concrete or flagstone or pavers or hardscape of any kind was not in correct ratio to green space. What? Seriously?!

I was PEEVED.

So, I told the guy I’d go with a 5 foot fence … for the back only … and I’d forego the cute fence for the front and just go with a nice, cedar lattice for the back.

He said he’d be more than happy to help me if I could PROVE I LIVED THERE.

So, since I do not have an Illinois license yet, I had to go home (again) and get mail to show I actually resided at that location. He easily could have told me that the FIRST time I went home!

Guess he had the last laugh. Maybe you CAN’T fight City Hall. (But, we’ll see …!)

 

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