Day 105
I have been told I am a calm person and have the patience of a saint. Yeah, right. Surely anyone saying that has never seen me at an unthreaded sewing machine, a clogged sink, with a bug on me, or near anything electronic that is supposed to be doing something other than what it is doing.
In those instances … and others … my wick is short. Really short. Teeny tiny.
Today the saints got several earfuls of un-saintly language all starting with, “Come on … ” usually followed by, “… you lousy piece of …!” My new neighbors may have heard this as well.
I say, “Get used to it people!”
I am a techno dino. As much as I love my computer I don’t understand it so I’m a bit leery of it. The last thing I felt comfortable writing on was my yellow tablet. Even the IBM Selectric typewriter (now THAT was a DREAM) had it’s moments of making me insane. Anything electronic or remotely electronic raises my blood pressure a good 10 points and my angst level escalates as well. Again, short wick.
Today I organized the garage … after finishing planting flowers … and finding things to plant those flowers in the boxes in the garage which prompted the organizing. But that wasn’t done until I swept the entire sidewalk which is equivalent to the perimeter of a football field. (Who said this property was SMALL? The HOUSE is small, the sidewalk, driveway and lawn area are not!)
That’s when the bug flew into my hair.
I, at first, thought it was a leaf or twig or something other than a VERY large, brown flying beetle. When I felt it move, I swatted it off of my head and after much shrieking and jumping around I squished his shiny, crust body to smithereens. “Take that you son of a …!” I’m sure the neighbors 2 blocks away heard that!
Did I mention it was about 112 in the shade with 100% humidity? And there was no shade. And I was, once again, wearing my spandex yoga capris which are perfectly comfortable to wear in Denver but that, somehow, transform into the equivalent of a “keep the heat in sauna suit” when in the Chicago area. Kind of like wearing a wet suit in the Sahara Desert.
Yeah, I was feeling GOOD. Bugs in my hair, sweat in my eyes, every piece of oak pollen in the county had attached itself to somewhere on my sweaty, sticky body and I was a coughing, sneezing, eyes-watering mess.
That’s when Comcast came.
The heavens opened up, the angels sang and the guy hooked up my internet, TV and phone.
Or so I thought.
While waiting for information from said internet service company … I decided to wash off all the pollen from my face and arms and cool myself off. However, the sink that had been clogged since last night, even after 2 doses of Liquid Plumber (purchased via a special trip to get the stuff while looking like a slime pool of sweat in my orca wet suit) … was indeed … still clogged up. I have since remedied that with a pot of boiling water and the entire bottle of Liquid Plumber and some well chosen expletives. I hope I have pipes in the morning and I hope my neighbor’s windows were closed.
I finished up the sidewalks and the plantings and the organizing of the garage about the same time my back went out – again. Lightning bolts of electricity ran up and down (always fun) my back and legs … so, I thought I’d let the Advil do its magic while I laid on the chaise lounge outside with the Gertie and Oscar while sipping a large goblet of freshly brewed iced tea.
That’s when the bug flew into the side of the garage (Gertie and I both heard it) and ricocheted off the siding and plopped directly into my glass of tea. I am NOT lying. Another one of those big, shiny, brown beetles!
I gave up and dumped the tea and the beetle into the lawn and went inside.
Three hours later the Advil is working, it’s cooled down, I am no longer a sweat hog, no bugs have attacked me lately, and I think I finally have all the glitches out of the system.
However, I haven’t retried the TV. I’ll wait until tomorrow. After all, there’s only so much I can take in one day!