Squirrels on the brain …

Day 4

It’s refreshing when you can laugh at yourself … especially when you freak out … for no good reason. Today I did just that.

I hate squirrels. Let me resay that … I HAVE squirrels. And let me rephrase that as it sounds like some sort of disease … as in, “Oh – did you hear? She’s not doing well … she has SQUIRRELS.”

I don’t OWN squirrels but rather have them in my backyard like most people do who live in the suburbs. However,  I LOVE these creatures. They are an extension of my furry family.  I have friends who share my same outlook regarding these sweet, bushy tailed rodents and others … well, not so much.

My friend, Robin, feeds her squirrels … as do I. I was thinking of her today as I was smearing peanut butter onto the trunk of my huge blue spruce that is just off my back patio. She recommended this to me a while back and I thought it was pure genius! However, I have to make sure I put it up high enough as once I looked out the window expecting to see my little friends lapping it up – and instead I saw a 100 lb. lab, standing upright, having the time of her life licking peanut butter off the tree trunk! She smelled like peanut butter and pine sap all day!

I usually feed my squirrels roasted (unsalted) peanuts, stale bread or crackers, dog biscuits or a variety of fruit scraps. They like apples but not strawberries – but the blue jays do and they pick up what the squirrels leave behind.

I have a basket that hangs down the trunk about 5 feet off the ground … and fill it when I think about it … which is every few days – unless the little ones come to the sliding glass door and peer in. I cannot resist a begging squirrel!

This year, early on, I noticed how BIG they were. I have four that come around regularly and with the ever-present goodies in the basket they have gotten even bigger. They have nice fur coats on them this year and are the size of small marmots!

Gertie hates these invaders. She goes crazy if I go out and fill the basket and if the opportunity presents itself – she will chase the squirrels for hours and hours – until she has to lie down from exhaustion.

All my other animals don’t seem to mind their company or give them much notice. Mobes doesn’t care as long as they drop things for her from the tree now and then. Oscar lies regularly out on the deck, sunbathing, and a squirrel will be less than a foot away from him eating a peanut and he just keeps soaking up the rays. Maybe he doesn’t care cuz he doesn’t eat peanuts! Who knows!

A few years back we had a terrible windstorm. Oscar was outside meowing loudly so I went out back to investigate and found him with a baby squirrel IN HIS MOUTH! Apparently it was thrown from its nest from the big pine tree. I made the cat drop the squirrel and after taking the cat back inside the house, I got paper towels and retrieved the baby. I thought surely the poor little thing would be dead or maimed (and THEN what was I going to do with it?!) … but there in the grass was the tiniest “pinky” … totally naked and totally FINE!

So, I picked him up and took him into the laundry room where I made him a cozy little nest with cotton balls and a wash cloth on top of a heating pad in a plastic shoe box. I called Squirrel Rescue (and yes, amazingly, there is such a group) and they told me to watch him and keep him cozy and if he survived the night to bring him to the rescue location.

We named him Baby Refus and he was just the cutest little thing – no bigger than my pinky finger and he had the LONGEST “fingers”. Actually, they were kind of creepy! But he, himself, creepy fingers and all was darned cute!

I checked on him a few times during the night and each time I peered into his cozy nest he was in a different sleeping position … and as darling as could be! In the morning I drove him 2 hours north to the Squirrel Rescue location where they took care of him. Two months later he was released to the wild where he was promptly hit by a car, while crossing the street, and killed.

No, sorry, I just made that part up! I have NO idea what happened to him. If he survived … if he grew up to have a long and happy squirrel life … I have no idea. But I felt good that, at least, I had given him the chance to do so. I still have his picture up on my bulletin board. He was just the tiniest, cutest little thing!

So … today, while feeding the marmot-squirrels (dog biscuits were on the menu today) I was just thinking about all the families of squirrels we’ve had over the years. Not all were NICE squirrels … we had one family up in the roof – causing major damage – as enclosed rodents would do.  But we’ve had really sweet ones, too. (If a squirrel can be sweet.) I had a mama squirrel who was VERY sweet. She’d come and stand at the back door … her six or eight full breasts hanging down her front. She came to me for nourishment so she could go feed her babies. I loved her. We had her in the yard for several years and then she was gone.

So, there I was this morning with squirrels on the brain and as I was walking through the house I thought I saw Gertie sleeping on the chaise lounge in the living room. Seriously – I didn’t take good notice as I have dogs everywhere! Up the stairs I went to my office and as I neared the landing I starting hearing a soft growling, chirruping sound coming from my bedroom. WHAT THE HECK?

So, I crept down the hallway with this NOISE coming from my room and all I could think of was … THERE’S A SQUIRREL IN MY BEDROOM! (Squirrels on the brain … not a good thing.) Now, I’ve been here 26 years and I have NEVER had a squirrel in my bedroom. I’ve had a squirrel on the back door screen … down the chimney … in the family room … on top of the ironing board in the laundry room, and in my kitchen (yeah, bad habit of leaving out the bucket of treats and leaving the back screen door open!) … but never have I had one upstairs in my bedroom! So, why would there be one today? I have no idea … but it was the only thing that came to mind that seemed reasonable and what else could be making that noise?

So – there I was creeping down the hallway, majorly freaking out, peeking around the door to my room fearing a scene akin to Christmas Vacation. I like squirrels but I didn’t want one flying at me and getting stuck to my chest! And then as I was looking around trying to find the source of all the grumbling and chirruping … I saw … HER!

It was GERTIE. She wasn’t downstairs on the chaise in the living room but was instead nestled deep down in amongst all the pillows on my bed, in all her portly puggy splendor, sound asleep and snoring like crazy!

Squirrels are good. Squirrels on the brain … not so much! But – worth a good laugh!

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